


Wolfstar's Firsts

by AL_Ships_and_chips



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Bisexual Remus Lupin, Established Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, Fluff and Smut, Gay Sirius Black, M/M, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Sirius Black & James Potter Friendship, Smut, Werewolf Remus Lupin, Young Sirius Black, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-12
Updated: 2020-09-19
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:36:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 23,430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25864468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AL_Ships_and_chips/pseuds/AL_Ships_and_chips
Summary: First kiss, first date, first fight and many other first times from Sirius and Remus. Fluff, angst and/or smut depending on the chapter. They are individual one-shots but they also connect with each other so you can read each one separately or all of them as a long story.
Relationships: Sirius Black & Remus Lupin, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 13
Kudos: 157





	1. First crush

**Author's Note:**

> This chapter is mainly Fluff.

Sirius first noticed his feelings for Remus at the end of his third year at Hogwarts. It was already customary for the marauders to pick up Remus from the shrieking shack to help him get to the nursing room. That morning they had found him unconscious and with very deep wounds, they came running to the infirmary and although Madame Pomfrey had told them that he would be fine, Sirius could not stop worrying.

He didn't know why he felt like this, of course he would also have worried if he had found James or Peter in such a state, but he felt like there was something else. He didn't get off the side of the bed until Remus woke up at lunchtime.

He was definitely confused when he saw Remus open his eyes and thought that caramel color was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. What the hell was happening to him? He was his best friend since they entered Hogwarts and now he couldn't help but see him differently.

The days passed and Sirius began to notice things in Remus that he had never seen before, such as how adorable was the way he arranged his hair in the morning or the way his eyes sparkled when he sat reading next to the fireplace in the common room.

That summer when they said goodbye on platform 9¾ Sirius hugged him for a little longer than usual, he knew that Remus had noticed it but he hoped that Remus didn’t give it much importance. He would probably only associate it with the fact that vacations for him were not exactly his favorite time of year thanks to his loving and caring family.

That summer Sirius spent most of his time thinking about Remus, trying to deny himself the fact that he now saw him differently. He didn't want to ruin their friendship and he definitely didn't want to ruin the marauders, they were the family he loved the most.

He tried not to write to Remus so often, although that didn't stop his heart from pounding with more force and excitement every time an owl arrived with a letter from him. He had almost convinced himself that everything would be fine and that his strange feelings for Remus were almost gone, but seeing him back on the platform to start the fourth year made him realize that nothing had really disappeared, nothing except his heterosexuality.

Even so, he spent several months trying to convince himself that he felt nothing, of course his attempts were in vain and finally in the middle of the fourth year he gave up and accepted that he was madly in love with his best friend. He would not try anything with him of course, but at least he had accepted what he felt, hoping that one day he would find someone else and his crush for his friend would disappear.

The first time Remus noticed his feelings for Sirius was early in the fifth year. Although he no longer hurt himself on nights with a full moon, he could sometimes become quite ill so he always spent a few days with Madame Pomfrey. This time when he recovered, went to catch up with his classes and had agreed with professor Slughorn to make up for the classes he missed, one friday during lunch. He arrived just as the sixth years finished their class, so the class still retained the particular smell of the potion. It seemed very curious to him that there was a potion that smelled like a mix of hair straightener, chocolate, leather and cigarettes, but he tried not to give it more importance.

His lesson was relatively quick because the professor only showed him the ready-made potion and the necessary ingredients, they talked about the effects and antidotes of the potion and that was it. Just before leaving, curiosity beat him and he decided to ask the Slughorn what kind of potion smelled so strange.

“Ah that's Amortentia, you will see it next year. It's a filter of love, the funny thing is that each person perceives a different aroma, for some it smells like their partners, for others like the things they like the most”

“That explains why it smells like chocolate to me but…” he stopped as he realized… he didn't like to smoke, nor did he ever wear leather jackets and he definitely didn't use Sirius's hair straightener...

“Yes, it's a rather curious potion”

"Thank you very much Professor, I'll see you next week," he said before leaving the classroom practically scared. Why had the potion smelled like Sirius? He had no doubt of that. He really liked the way his friend looked in that jacket, but that had nothing to do with it. Nor would it have anything to do with the fact that stroking his hair when they were tired on the couch in the common room always soothed him on the days before exams. And it definitely had nothing to do with the fact that Sirius smoking in the moonlight was something he had found quite attractive once. _Once_.

That night when he returned from his prefect rounds, he had found his friends already asleep. He couldn't help but stare at Sirius's features under the dim moonlight. He had always known that his friend was one of the most handsome boys in the whole school, but he had never seen him the way he was now. What was happening to him?

He spent the next two months trying to convince himself that it was stupid, that he could never have a crush on Sirius, but every time he smiled at him, every time he did something stupid but adorable, Remus' heart screamed otherwise. So he eventually resigned himself to accepting that he had a crush on his best friend, who was obviously never going to want him back.

Or so Remus thought.


	2. First Kiss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mostly fluff

They had spent most of their free afternoon on the shore of the lake, perfecting their wonderful rock throwing technique, drinking some butter beers, and planning a few pranks for the next month. The night was approaching and Remus had been insisting they should go back to study for their history of magic test (which no one was really interested in) in the end, only Peter agreed to return with him to the castle so they could study for the exam.

As they walked away, Sirius couldn't help but stare at Remus, it had already been almost a year since he had accepted that he was in love with his friend, although he had also decided not to say anything because obviously Remus didn't like men and even if it was so, He had never given any indication that he could feel the same way Sirius did.

“Padfoot, when are you going to do something about that?” said James interrupting Sirius's thoughts

“Well Prongs, it's not like I care much about my history of magic note”

“Not about the exam you fool, about Remus. When are you going to tell him you're madly in love with him?”

Sirius almost choked on the shot of beer he was having 

"That’s not ... I don't ... he doesn’t..." He had thought of many excuses for when someone asked him about it but the complete assurance and nonchalance in James' voice was what made his brain short-circuit at that moment

"Sirius, don't worry, I don't care at all if you want to go out with boys, girls or unicorns," he said laughing, which made Sirius a little calmer

“It is so obvious?”

“No, and don't worry Remus _I-don't-deserve-to-be-loved_ Lupin hasn't noticed. But you're basically my brother, and I think I can tell when my brother is head over heels for someone.”

He stood thoughtful, without answering. He wasn't planning on telling anyone about his feelings for Remus, but he had to admit that it felt good to have someone to talk to, and especially if that someone was James.

“You should tell him”

“Are you crazy? I will never tell him anything and you can't tell him”

“Why not?”

“I don't think he likes boys ... I mean, have you ever seen him flirt with one?”

“Have you ever seen him flirt with anyone? That has nothing to do with it, you know Remus isn't exactly someone who spends his evenings flirting in the hallways.”

It was true, unlike the three of them, Remus was very reserved about his tastes, none of them remembered a time when Remus told them that someone caught his attention, much less having mentioned that he had a crush on someone.

"Okay, leave the rest to me," James said, standing up.

“Wait to? Not! James you said you wouldn't tell him!”

“I wont tell him anything about you, I will simply try to find out what our dear friend's tastes may be”

“James Fleamont Potter I swear if you say something to him I will kill you”

“That's the spirit! Now let's go” he said offering his hand to get up

“Where?”

"To study the history of magic" he replied with a smile that indicated that his intentions weren’t those.

Luckily for Sirius, that night they had not managed to bring up the topic of conversation to inquire into Remus 'tastes. Unfortunately the opportunity would come a couple of days later, when at breakfast Lily didn't completely reject James' compliment.

“I'm telling you guys, one day she will be my wife” he said sitting down with his friends “she's the most beautiful girl in all Hogwarts”

“Oh come on, Sarah is much hotter” said Peter

Sirius was beginning to understand what these two were doing and he didn't like it at all.

“Of course not. And anyway I at least have a chance that my crush will listen to me. Come on Peter, Sarah is almost 3 years older! she would never listen to you”

“It's worth dreaming though” he answered shrugging his shoulders

“Remus, do you like someone?” said James out of nowhere with the subtlety of a dragon. Sirius almost broke his toast in two upon hearing that. Remus simply looked up “I’m just saying that it's weird... I mean Sirius had a crush on Marlene in second year, Peter drools over Sarah and we all know that Lily and I will have 3 beautiful children together, but you have never mentioned anything. Have you ever had a crush on someone?”

On the outside Remus seemed quite calm, but his mind was a complete chaos. Did they say those thing because of his crush on Sirius? But he had been so careful! He never stare at him for too long, he got along with him like he always had, he tried to be the same with the three marauders, but then… wasn't he doing it right?

“I suppose Sarah is very pretty… but calm down Wormtail I'm not going to steal your girlfriend. And I think Dorcas is very pretty too” he said with the calmest and most disinterested tone he could articulate.

“So… you DO like girls?” asked Peter. Luckily Remus was too preoccupied trying to make it look like that didn't make him nervous to notice the murderous look Sirius had just given to James and Peter

“Of course, why shouldn't I? Well, we have to go to class, hurry up or we'll be late” he said, getting up before they could ask him anything else. It wasn't really a lie he liked girls, but he liked boys too… especially the ones with black hair and beautiful gray eyes.

"Why the hell did you tell Wormtail!" he exclaimed in a low voice

“Calm down, I didn't say anything to him” said James laughing

“Tell me what?”

The confusion on Peter's face confirmed that he was actually just asking inappropriate questions, but he didn't know about his crush on Remus.

“Why did you ask Remus if he liked girls?”

“Because it is a bit strange that he has never told us about any, right?”

Sirius exhaled and James just laughed at the situation.

“Come on, Moony is right we're late”

For the next 3 weeks Remus tried to distance himself from Sirius, fearing that before he had been too bad at hidding his stupid crush with his friend. Of course, Sirius realized Remus wasn't getting that close to him anymore which worried him more every day. One afternoon, looking through the window, he saw Remus was heading towards the lake instead of going to the great hall. He thought that maybe it was better to clear things up for once, he didn't want to lose one of his best friends for whatever nonsense he had done this time.

He got to their usual spot, where Remus was just throwing some rocks into the lake

“Aren't you going to have lunch?”

“No, I have many things on my mind, and you?”

“Not very hungry, do you mind if I join you?”

"Of course not," he said, giving him a rock to throw 

“Remus, can I ask you something... Why have you been so strange these days?” he said with a slightly sad tone

“Strange?”

“Yes, when I sit next to you you change places, we don't talk so much anymore and when I tried to hug you the other day you ran away from the classroom so fast that you almost threw Frank's cauldron”

“Sorry”

“Did I do something to upset you? You know you can tell me anything, you are my best friend”

“Of course not Pads, you haven't done anything wrong. Look... I'm sorry you felt it's your fault. The truth is that I have had some issues, but they are nothing you should worry about"

“But you know you can talk to me about anything, I'll could help you, we can do something”

“No Sirius, I don't think you can help me, in fact, you distract me” he said without realizing it. Oh he shouldn't have said that

“I distract you?”

“I mean you 3, with your nonsense and pranks that I as a prefect should report instead of help covering up” he replied to try to amend what he had just said

“Ah, sorry, we will try to behave if that's what you need”

“Seriously don't worry, it's not a big deal, it's silly”

“Then tell me what it is, maybe I can help you, I have a lot of experience with problems and you know it”

“Well not with this kind”

“Remus just spit it out”

He exhaled, was he really about to say _that_ to Sirius? Apparently yes.

“Please promise me that you won't treat me differently”

“Oh no… you are going to tell me that… You are a werewolf!” with that he earned a bump on the shoulder but also a couple of laughs

"Do you remember that morning Peter and James were talking about girls?" Sirius nodded, feeling his heart beat getting stronger and stronger "Well Peter asked me if I liked girls and I said yes... well I do like girls but I also like boys."

“Oh... I see” Sirius's excitement was so big at that moment he could have danced with the giant squid, although he controls himself because he doesn't want to scare Remus. The fact that he likes boys does not necessarily mean that he likes _him_ “Wait how dare you say I have no experience with that”

“What?”

“Moons... I'm gay”

“WAIT WHAT? since WHEN?”

“I gues always...”

“Why didn’t you tell us? And what about your crush with Marlene?”

“I have always said that I like her style, James was the one who invented that I wanted something with her. I just think that she is cool... and I never said anything because I didn't want things to change. Although Prongs figured it out a month ago. He said he doesn't mind but I wasn't ready to tell you in case you two weren't cool with it” he said raising his shoulders “so ... Who is it?”

“Who is what?”

“Well when I finally accepted that I was gay it was basically because I had a strong crush with someone, and if you say that you have many things on your mind I suppose that those _things_ have a first and last name”

Remus exhaled, it was one thing to tell his best friend that he liked men and another thing to tell him that he specifically liked _him_. Of course, knowing that Sirius was gay had raised his hopes drastically, but even so... he knew that he was not exactly the most handsome boy in Hogwarts and if Sirius was going to fall for someone it would definitely have to be someone on his same level.

“That doesn't matter ... nobody would ever notice me”

"Moony"

"It's true Pads. I'm not worth even a second glance"

“Don't say that! You are handsome, you are smart, you are charismatic, I have not met anyone as kind as you. You are fucking perfect. Anyone would be so lucky to have you as a boyfriend Remus, anyone!”

As he spoke, Black had taken several steps forward, leaving them both inches apart. Seeing Sirius's eyes, Remus steeled himself and decided to risk everything. He leaned forward and captured Sirius's lips with his own.

The kiss did not last long, when they separated they both laughed. They couldn't feel happier. They hugged, trying to understand why they didn't do something earlier.

"I ... I have liked you for a few months" he said while still hugging him, but Sirius laughed.

"Weak" he replied making Remus raise an eyebrow, "I like you since the third year Moony”

“What? But… but why didn't you ever tell me?”

“Well first, I did not know that you liked men and I thought that if I told you, you would run away and... I want you enough to prefer having you just as a friend to not having you at all in my life

"I can't believe us" Remus laughed flushed before giving him another kiss.

That afternoon they lost track of time, they didn't mind skipping classes, or skipping lunch like that. That afternoon they were truly and completely happy.


	3. First Date

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fluff

Fifth year at Hogwarts

Hogsmade's next visit was two weeks after their first kiss, and Sirius being Sirius decided it was a good opportunity to do something nice for Remus. He disappeared since the morning even though the visit was until after noon. He left a note next to Remus's bed

_Meet me at Madam Puddifoot at 2 PM_

_-Sirius_

Of course Remus was excited to find the letter, they had been dating for barely 2 weeks but since day one he had felt like the luckiest man alive. Sirius Black loved him, against all odds (according to Remus) the perfect boy had felt for that mess that he was. The most beautiful boy he had ever known wanted him.

There was just one problem, he had no idea where it had to be. “Ammm guys” he said turning to James and Peter “by any chance do any of you know where "Madam Puddifoot" is? or well, do you know what it is?” he said reading the letter

“It's a tea shop, just around Scrivenshaft’s” answered Peter without much care, James turned surprised

“How do you know that?”

“I’ve had dates there” he answered raising his shoulders

"Going to buy tea with your mother is not a date Wormtail" James replied, making Remus laugh.

Punctual, Remus arrived at Madam Puddifoot, Sirius was waiting for him right at the entrance, quite groomed and with a perfume that Remus had not smelled before.

“You look very handsome” he said smiling when he saw him

"Thank you, you too Moony" he replied putting his arms around Remus's neck to give him a kiss

“Are you going to show me what were you up to all morning?”

"Oh yeah, it's about time you saw my evil plan," he replied, winking at him. He took him by the hand and they entered the store. To Remus' surprise they didn't sit at any table but instead went straight for the stairs and up to the second level. The place was quite decorated, surrounded by candles, a record player with one of his favorite songs, a table with a fine tablecloth, and some fancy food on it.

"Sirius is beautiful ... you didn't have to"

"Ah-ah of course I had to, we can't have big dates at Hogwarts so I decided to take this opportunity"

Remus stared at him fondly, not knowing what he had done to deserve someone like that. As if he could read his mind, Sirius put his hands on his neck and gave him another kiss

"You deserve this and much more," he said making Remus smile and pres his face against Sirius's hands.

"I love it ... I wish I had brought Peter's camera"

"Oh right" Sirius said taking something from his bag that was behind the table "Smile" He said putting up the camera

"One more," he said sitting down next to Remus and just before pressing his finger to take the picture he said "Remus, do you want to be my boyfriend?" So in the photograph he managed to capture the wide smile that formed on Remus' face when he heard that. Remus swore that if he was dreaming, he was going to kill whoever woke him up, he couldn't believe that was happening to him.

"Of course I do!" he replied putting his hands on each side of Sirius's face to give him a kiss.

They spent so much time at the tea shop that they had to use Honeydukes' secret passage to get back without being caught by Filch. That afternoon nothing mattered, not even the potions test they would have on Monday could make Remus take his attention away from his boyfriend. The first thing they did when they returned was reveal the photos they took, which became Sirius' most prized possession.


	4. First "I love you"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fluff and a little angst

Quidditch Championship Final, 5th year.

The game had been very close, for the first time in years the Gryffindor team was genuinely nervous. The Ravenclaw team had improved dramatically that year by having new beaters and an excellent keeper. The game was going 210-100 in Ravenclaw's favor and James knew that, now more than ever, he had to find the Snitch before the point difference continued to increase.

Remus was the commentator for the match, as always being watched by Professor McGonagall to prevent him from making too many inappropriate comments (although he occasionally did it anyway). They were already 240 to 110 when the snitch finally appeared, James lunged quickly towards it, followed by the Ravenclaw seeker. During the next few seconds too much happened, one of the beaters from the other team lunged at Sirius, who was about to avoid the launch of the quaffle. Meanwhile on the other side of the field James, having just a few inches of advantage, took the snitch. And while the right half of the stadium screamed with excitement at the Gryffindor victory, in the other side of the stadium a few others screamed in fear as they saw Sirius fall off his broom.

McGonagall barely managed to cast a spell to slow Black down, who at the time was already less than 3 meters from the ground. Remus stopped looking at James and by the time he realized it, everything seemed to be happening in slow motion. Although McGonagall did manage to slow Sirius down, he still fell headlong to the ground with great force, getting knock unconscious.

James flew towards him as soon as he realized it, Lupin and McGonagall ran onto the field and the confusion in the stadium was notorious. They took Sirius to the infirmary as soon as they could. Remus and James were running behind, scared and not saying anything, in fact James didn't even realize that he still had the snitch in his hand until they arrived with Madam Pomfrey.

Peter and the rest of the team arrived just as Sirius was being examined “He'll be fine. As soon as he regains consciousness I'll give him a potion, meanwhile let's let him rest”

“Wouldn't it be better to wake him up now?” James asked

“No absolutely not, it can be dangerous. Don't move or wake him up yet. I'll go prepare the potion so it's ready when I wake up” said Madam Pomfrey before leaving the infirmary.

The first hour the Quidditch team stayed with them waiting for Sirius to wake up, but then they went to the common room to celebrate the victory, although James couldn't care less at the moment. By dinner time they forced Peter to bring them something to eat because there was no way James or Remus could just leave Sirius there. At 9 am Madam Pomfrey told them that they could no longer stay and that they should return to the common room.

“Please Poppy let me stay, to watch over him and call you as soon as he wakes up, I promise we won't tell anyone” he said with the best puppy dog eyes he could do. Remus knew he was Madam Pomfrey's favorite student by far. Probably because no one else had spent as much time in the infirmary as him, and he still had 2 years left at Hogwarts.

“Okay” she said letting out a sigh “You can stay”

James made an indignant face, but before he could say anything Remus took him and Peter by the arm, ushering them out the door.

“Have the map handy, when he wakes up I'll go to the side of the infirmary entrance and you can come wearing your dad’s cloak” he whispered so that Madam Pomfrey couldn't hear them

"This is unfair" groaned James, "let us know as soon as he wakes up. I’m serious Lupin."

“Yeah I promise”

It was after 11 when Sirius finally began to show signs of trying to wake up. Remus, who a few seconds ago was falling asleep, jumped up and stared at Sirius. He started with grimaces of pain and a couple of moans that indicated that something was hurting him, and then brought a hand to his head

“Fuck …” he said with a very low voice

“Madam Pomfrey! He’s waking up!” he yelled to the other side of the infirmary

"Shit Remus don't yell like that" he said rubbing his head with both hands

“I'm so sorry Sirius, how are you feeling?”

“As if I just fought a giant”

At that moment Madam Pomfrey arrived with a tray with several different potions “How are you feeling Mr. Black?”

“Well everything hurts, but specially my head. I feel like it’s going to explode”

“I guessed, I was actually surprised that none of your bones broke, after all it was a long fall” she said giving him a cup with a thick green potion that, as expected, tasted worse than it looked

"You have no idea how worried you had us" Remus said taking Sirius's free hand.

“What happened?”

“That Bradley idiot threw you off your broom, McGonagall managed to slow down your fall a bit but ... you fell headfirst”

“But we won?”

“You're talking like James” he said with a chuckle “But yeah you did”

“Try to stand up Mr. Black”

Sirius obeyed her, but as soon as he stood up, he felt the whole room spinning, if it wasn't for Remus he would have fallen straight away. They quickly put him back on the bed, Remus quite scared, but Madam Pomfrey didn't seem too worried.

“I expected this. It was a very strong hit” she said calmly “Take this potion, in the morning it should be better” she added giving him another cup with a brown potion that tasted even worse than the previous one “Now rest, both of you” said turning to see Remus who nodded before Madam Pomfrey left.

Sirius didn't give it much importance, he was very busy trying not to spit out that horrible potion, but Remus kept looking at him quite worried.

“Remind me not to fall off the broom again” he said finishing the potion with a disgusted expression

"It's not funny" he replied and Sirius finally noticed the sad expression of his boyfriend.

“Oh come on Moony. I'm not dying, you heard Poppy, I'll be fine”

“I know. It's just that ... you made us worried too much”

“Do you want to swithc places?” Sirius said laughing, since they were more than used to Remus being the one treated in the infirmary

“I would gladly if I could, it's not nice to be on this side”

“We are…what 50 to 3? I think it's fair that from time to time I'm the one who gets hurt”

“Don't even think about trying to tie. The only thing you would do is give me a heart attack”

“I though I could accomplish that just by wearing leather thight jeans”

“Idiot” Remus said with a smile

“And yet you like me” he answered with a satisfied smile

"Of course I do, I love y..." He froze when he realized what he was saying. They both had said it several times before, but not since they started dating, because they knew that from then on "I love you" would mean something different. It had slipped off his lips, he was sure of what he felt, but what if it was too early to say it? He looked up and to his relief, Sirius was smiling

"I love you too Moons" he said before kissing him, at that moment they were so happy that they almost forgot they were in the infirmary and why they were there.

They separated and stared into each other's eyes for a few seconds, at that moment Remus finally remembered that he was forgetting something.

“Shit, James!” he said jumping up

“Am… what?”

“Sorry” he said laughing “I promised James that I would let him know as soon as you woke up, if he asks, you just woke up, ok?” he added going towards the door

"Should I play dead again then?"

“Sirius!” Remus scolded him, but Sirius couldn't stop laughing.

He was definitely in love with that idiot.


	5. First "More than kiss"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short smut.

They had started their sixth year less than a month ago. They spent the whole summer writing to each other as much as they could, at least until Sirius's mother got fed up and read one of the letters. Let's just say the fact that her blood traitor and disgrace-of-the-family son was dating a half blood male werewolf was the last straw.

Despite being kicked out of his house, Sirius seemed to get along quite well, at least when he was awake. The first week at Hogwarts they did each lie in their beds, but after the sixth night in a row where Sirius came to his bed shaking, Remus decided it was better to sleep together permanently. Because of Sirius's nightmares, obviously, not for any other reason in particular.

Tonight, it was Remus’ dream that interrupted the night. It was not a nightmare, if not quite the opposite, it was a very _very_ good dream. He dreamed of Sirius doing pole dancing, where the hell did he get that idea from? Probably from some music video he'd seen on TV over the summer. Anyway, it didn’t matter, it was the best dream he ever had in his life, Sirius had a very good body ... will he be as flexible in real life? Some impure thoughts flooded his head.

He turned to see if Sirius was, by any chance awake, but no. He was asleep and he looked so calm, Remus would never be able to wake him up knowing that other times nightmares gave him a hard time. Why did his boyfriend have to be so handsome? He couldn't resist and gave him a little kiss, trying to be quite subtle.

Unfortunately (or maybe not so much) that was enough to wake Black, who slowly opened his eyes as he settled better on the pillow.

“Sorry, I didn't want to wake you up” he said giving him another kiss

“Bad dreams?”

"No, don't worry." At that moment, Sirius settled onto the bed and his leg went right by Remus's crotch.

“It was a very good dream, wasn’t it?” He said in a mischievous tone “I was in the dream?” said getting closer to Remus

"Yes," he replied, feeling the flow of blood in his crotch increase even more.

“Did I look hot?” he whispered against his lips

“Oh hell yeah” he responded throwing himself to kiss him. Little by little they turned until Remus was on top of Sirius. He started to move his hand until it was right on Sirius's crotch

"Fuck Re, you said you wanted to... ah... go slowly" Sirius said with ragged breath as Remus moved his hips against him

“Fuck that," he said before biting his lip. Sirius made a mental note to seduce Remus more often when the full moon approached.

Remus's hand ran along the edge of Sirius's underwear, slowly drifting towards his dick, which was already quite erect. He lowered their underpants and took their cocks in his hand, getting a deep groan from Sirius.

"Shhhh you're going to wake up the others," he whispered as he began to move his hand. As he kissed him again, his movements became faster and stronger. Sirius was having a hard time trying not to moan, though his heavy breathing was exposing them anyway.

"Shhhh Sirius behave" said the very sinic man before starting to kiss and bite his neck. A couple of moans escaped Sirius's lips, but it wasn't his fault. He was close, very close and Remus knew it, their breaths were getting much more agitated.

Remus tried to silence him with a kiss but how could he be quiet? His boyfriend's hand on his member stroking him hard as he thrusted his hips against him. Sirius tightly clenched his hands on his boyfriend's arms as they both came almost at the same time, creating a small mess on Sirius's abdomen.

“Merlin Moony ...” he said trying to catch his breath “that was…”

“Amazing”

“Absolutely” he said giving him a short kiss before reaching for his wand “Scourgify” said making disappear the little mess they had just created

“Good night Moony”

“Good night Padfoot”

They said before spending another 15 minutes kissing instead of going back to sleep


	6. First time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut to make all of us sinners happy ;) Kind of a fluffy smut.

It was a Saturday afternoon, the second visit to Hogsmeade was about to begin

"Come on guys, before there is too much line," said James putting on his scarf

“Go without me guys. My stomach hurts a little, it must be because of the full moon. I'd rather stay today” Remus replied from his bed. James turned to see Sirius. He already knew what he was going to say.

"Yes, yes, you're going to stay too" he said before Sirius could speak.

"See you at dinner" Peter said before he and James left the bedroom.

After that Sirius locked the bedroom door and threw himself at Remus's bed, smiling.

“What?” he asked without taking his eyes off his book

“The full moon is 5 days away and I saw you eat a full plate of ice cream after lunch”

“So?”

"You're not sick" said Sirius quite sure.

“Fine” he answered, putting away his book “maybe I just wanted some time alone with you”

“Is that so?” Sirius put his hands around Remus's neck, stroking one of his cheeks with his thumb and then leaning to capture his boyfriend's lips.

They began with short, soft kisses, little by little both moved their lips more fiercely. Sirius pressed his tongue against his boyfriend's lips requesting access to his mouth. Remus granted it with a small groan and placing a hand on Sirius's hip, pulling him closer to him as they deepened the kisses.

Sirius was leaning more and more over Remus, until he was lying on the bed with Sirius sitting on him with his legs on either side of his boyfriend's hips. Remus’ hands traveled around Black's torso to his hip, causing Sirius to make a movement against his crotch that made them both groan.

“Do you wanna…”

"Yes," Sirius interrupted.

“You don't even know what I was going to say, maybe I was going to say that if you want to study potions”

“Okay, mention studies again while I'm on top of you and I swear you're going to stay a virgin for the rest of your life”

Remus laughed, moving his hands along Sirius's thighs. "Do you want to… do it?" he said shyly. Sirius smiled, sometimes Remus looked so cute without realizing it “I mean, we don't have to...”

"Remus" he interrupted, "I'm more than ready if you are," he said kissing him again. He took a moment away from him to make sure his boyfriend was sure. Remus nodded starting to unbutton Sirius's shirt, taking his time to scan his boyfriend's chest as he removed his shirt.

Sirius began to kiss Remus's neck, moving lower and lower towards his chest and abdomen as he unbuttoned his shirt. He reached his boyfriend's waist, unbuttoned his pants and brought his face close to Remus's underwear teasing him and enjoying the view of a very red faced and heavy breathing Remus.

“You're so beautiful Moony” he removed the underwear of his way “and so fucking hot” and took his boyfriend's cock in his hand, massaging the tip with his thumb

“Sirius”

At that moment he began to slide his tongue down the length of his boyfriend. Remus's moved up and down strongly as he tried to suppress his moans “Let yourself go Moony. It’s okay, we're alone” Sirius said before inserting most of Remus's penis in his mouth with a single movement.

"Oh God Sirius." He put one of his hands on his boyfriend's head, lightly tugging at his hair as his hips thrusted almost involuntarily. Sirius's mouth was doing wonders, and little by little Lupin stopped fighting himself and let his instincts take over, pulling his boyfriend's hair as he pushed deeper and deeper.

He had forgotten what _delicacy_ was until the push was a little too deep, causing Sirius to gag. At that moment they separated, Remus looked scared, but Sirius didn't seem to mind at all.

“I'm sorry...”

“Don't you dare being sorry” he interrupted, crawling towards him “that was so hot. I loved it” Black kissed him again as Remus lowered his hands to unbutton his pants.

Sirius rolled over, lying face down on the bed. Remus finished taking off both of their pants and his shirt, and stood behind Sirius, kissing one of his cheeks before spreading them to slide his tongue between them. Licking and running his tongue over his entrance.

Sirius groaned at the sensation and arched his back lifting his hips to give his boyfriend a better access. Remus was now pressing his tongue against him, slowly introducing it inside.

“Ah Moony” Remus could feel Sirius' warmth around his tongue. He moved his head and his tongue to make sure that Sirius didn't stop moaning like he was doing. The sound was deep, full of lust and pleasure, the way Sirius said his name was enough to give him wet dreams for the rest of the year.

He decided to insert a finger into Sirius's entrance but the moans in response changed from pleasure to a bit of aching. "Does it hurt?" He asked gently removing his finger.

“A little”

"I think I have something that might help us," he answered, getting up. He went to the shelf and from a box he took out a bottle with something transparent inside it.

Sirius lay on his back on the bed, looking curious at the bottle “and that is...?”

“Lube”

“What the hell is lube?”

Remus smiled “It’ll help, just trust me” he replied, climbing onto the bed. He put some lubricant on his fingers and leaned over Sirius "relax" he said softly as he inserted his finger again.

This time Sirius moans were softer. "Better?" he asked watching his boyfriend's chest move heavily. Sirius nodded and Remus began to slowly move his finger in and out of him.

Hesitating a bit, he added a second finger. Sirius was quite tight and he didn't want to hurt him. “Oh yes Remus” Luckily Sirius' moans finished convincing him, he started scissoring Sirius, hearing as his moans grow louder and lustier.

Hearing those sounds was already making him rock hard, but hearing “I need you inside me Moony” with Sirius' deeper voice and needler tone drived him over the edge.

Sirius reached for a pillow and put it under his back, to give his boyfriend a better access to him. Remus reached for the bottle of lube and placed a good amount on his cock, lining up with Sirius's entrance. He stared into his eyes for a second, keeping the moment in his head

"I love you"

"I love you too"

He leaned down to kiss him and began to move his hips, penetrating him slowly. Sirius, who was clinging to Remus's arms, was now gripping them tightly, groaning at the new sensation.

“You're okey?” he said once he was completely inside him

“Yes” he answered between groans “just don't move yet”

Remus could feel how warm and tight Sirius was, still clinging tightly to his biceps. He could feel the heat on his cheeks as he kissed him. Sirius pulled away from him and looking into his eyes nodded, indicating that he had already adjusted to the feeling.

Remus tried to go slow, smooth, but having Sirius' moans so close to his ear was driving him crazy, he could drown in pleasure “You feel so good” Now the groans came from both of them. He started to move faster and Sirius's hands were now on his back, trying not to bury his nails in it.

Remus was already close to orgasm when he found his boyfriend's prostate with a particularly deep thrust. "Fuck Remus right there" he moaned digging his nails into Remus’ back.

That ended up unleashing the inner wolf of Remus who began to thrust harder, reaching several times Sirius’ G-spot. Black was making the most erotic sounds Remus had ever heard.

“I'm so close”

“Aaaah ... Me too... FUCK RE” Sirius was a disaster, he reached orgasm with a couple more thrusts, spreading over his abdomen, his moans were so exquisite that they made Remus come immediately.

Remus crawled out from inside his boyfriend and flopped down beside him, exhausted. “I love you so much Pads” he said giving him a kiss on the forehead

“And I love you Moony”

Remus reached for his wand that was on the side of the bed. " _Scourgify_ " he said, cleaning everything and then laying down hugging his boyfriend.

They fell asleep like that for a couple of hours, being woken up by a “ _Alohomora_!” heard from the other side of the door. James and Peter enter with various things they had bought in Zonko's store.

“Oh for Merlin’s beard! use a bloody blanket” James yelled laughing, throwing a pillow at them

"We would, but I know how much you love seeing my ass" replied Sirius winking at him.

"Hurry up and get dressed lovebirds, it's dinner time and we have an incredible joke to play" said Peter.


	7. First (and only) breakup

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angst angst and a little more angst

6th year at Hogwarts

It was not unusual for him to wake up in the infirmary after a full moon, although it had been several months without any incident with Moony. His best friends already had more than a year of becoming Animagi who accompanied him on those nights. The first thing Remus heard, still half asleep, was Dumbledore's voice having a conversation with someone else, but what was Dumbledore doing in the infirmary? He opened his eyes with difficulty due to the intense light in the room, but by then the director was almost at the exit of the infirmary, and he didn’t even manage to see who the other person was.

He noticed that he had bandages on his arms and a shooting pain in his leg. He turned to accommodate himself better and what he saw worried him too much. Next to him was James with some blood on his clothes and a bandage on his cheek. Was he unconscious? Would the damage have been done by him? "Oh I hope you’re just asleep" he thought. The strange thing was that James was the biggest Animagus of the 3 and if Moony had attacked them, Sirius and Peter must have been much worse except… neither of them were in the infirmary.

At that moment Madam Pomfrey appeared along with Wormtail, the fact that Sirius was not with them began to worry him because everything indicated that Moony had a fight with Padfoot and Prongs the night before.

“Good morning Remus” Madam Pomfrey greeted him, putting a tray next to his bed “You must drink this darling” added passing him a cup with a hot potion

"Thanks," he answered before taking the first drink, the potion tasted just as horrible as ever. "Peter, what happened last night? Where is Sirius?”

“It is difficult to explain…”

“Where's Sirius?” he repeated raising his voice

“He's fine don't worry. He got into trouble that's why he's not here ...”

The noise had awakened James who was now getting out of bed

“James! How are you feeling?” Peter asked when he saw him

“Not as bad as expected”

"Mr. Potter, you too, have some, you'll feel better" said Madam Pomfrey, giving him a cup with the same potion Remus was drinking. Meanwhile, she removed the bandage from his cheek and happily said to him “It seems that his wound is much better, you should go change those clothes, Professor Dumbledore said he needed you in his office as soon as possible”

"Sure, sure I'll go right away," he said, getting up. "Yuck!" Remus this does taste horrible ... well I have to go”

“Why? Wait! James what happened last night?” Remus asked scared

“Don't worry about it now” he replied with a slightly forced smile “I’ll see you at lunch”

“Peter seriously, what did I do?” he said looking back at Peter, starting to get anxious

“It wasn’t you, but something happened last night and we couldn't get to the shrieking shack with you. That's why you're here. We didn’t accompany you last night.”

For a second that calmed Remus because he knew he hadn't attacked anyone then, but the calm was quickly replaced with new concerns.

“And what did Sirius and James do yesterday then? It had to have been something very bad. I mean, James was injured, that says a lot”

“I couldn't explain it well Remus, the truth is that I arrived when everything was finishing. I still don't know very well what happened. I can only tell you that it was very serious”

Meanwhile Dumbledore was talking seriously to Sirius and James in his office, he was barely able to convince Severus not to say a word about Remus's condition which was already too much to ask for. Since they shared the blame, he took 50 points from Gryffindor for each one, sentenced them both to detention for the remainder of the term and banned Sirius from playing in the Quidditch championship for the rest of the year. When they finally left the office, and despite everything the director had told them, Sirius chuckled and said "we should have let Snivellus get to the shrieking shack" which ended James's patience.

“Sirius you really can't be any stupider”

“Excuse me?”

“Stop thinking about the idiot of Snape for a second and think about Remus. What do you think would have become of him if he had done something to Snape! Everyone would find out about Moony. They would expel him! How the hell didn't you think of that?”

“Snivellus would never have to know that Remus was the werewolf of the shack, he just ...”

“JUST NOTHING SIRIUS! He went in search of Remus, on a full moon and found nothing but a werewolf. What else was he going to think?”

“Not that…”

"Do you know what was the first thing Remus did when he woke up today? He asked if you were okay! He was worried he had done something to you while you were here completely ignoring how you almost ruined his life.”

At that Sirius couldn't really answer anything, reality hit him like a truck. He hadn't considered that beyond hurting the stupid Severus, he might be seriously harming his boyfriend. What would Remus do if he got kicked out of Hogwarts? He knew that Remus was too grateful for the opportunity to study and that the thought of him being the one who almost took it from him broke his heart.

"I could have exposed him" he said quietly.

“Yeah that's the bloody point”

“He has always kept his secret so well… James what the hell did I just do?” he said scared, with a lost look

“Being an idiot”

“He's going to hate me ... he's never going to forgive me for this”

James spoke again, this time in a much calmer tone.

“Padfoot I know that many times we have been careless, the jokes of the marauders are one thing, but this ... this was something you did not think, it was a mistake”

“You are so right I was an idiot ... Forgive me, Dumbledore gave you month and a half of detention because of me”

“Don't worry Padfoot, it's not like I didn't get you a few hours of detention myself” he said putting an arm on his shoulder “but I think the one who needs an apology is Remus… and you know Snivellus”.

They went to bring Remus lunch, despite Sirius's many pleas, he and James eventually agreed to tell Lupin everything that happened. Remus smiled when he saw them enter, which further increased Sirius's guilt.

“Sirius!” he said hugging him “I was so worried, Wormtail didn't tell me anything about what happened. What did you do this time?”

“Before I start I want you to know that I know that I am an idiot and that I am really _really_ sorry” Sirius said in a very serious tone, which made his boyfriend worry “I know I was irresponsible and I swear I didn’t think what I was doing”

The concern was extremely evident on Remus's face.

"Do you remember Snape has been watching us these last few months?" James began

"He followed you a couple of times," said Peter.

"I started to notice that he was tying up some loose ends so I decided to do something to get his nose out of other people’s business" said Sirius

"Something very stupid," James added.

“Yes totally stupid… maybe I intentionally let him know how to get past the Whomping Willow and that there was a secret passageway under its roots”

“Sirius what did you do!” Remus's face was paler than usual, the horror in his expression could be seen from a mile away.

"He didn't see you, don't worry," James intervened. "I heard Sirius say that and waited to see if Snape really dared to do something, which the idiot did. I managed to reach him in the middle of the tunnel, he almost refused to come back until he heard you howl”

"So he knows?" Remus asked with an annoyed but scared tone

“Yes” Sirius said lowering his gaze “Dumbledore has convinced him not to say anything to anyone, I'm not sure what he has offered in return, but he's very sure that Snape won't speak” at least that reassured Remus a bit

“And your injuries?” he asked James

“Oh well when we came back… you know, he wanted to yell at everyone but I wouldn't let him go. I held him so he wouldn't run away and well… the Whomping Willow did the rest”

“At that moment Sirius and I arrived” said Peter

“I am in trouble? Do I have to see the director?”

"Of course not, you had nothing to do with it" James replied.

“I had everything to do with it. Why did you do it?” he said now turning to see Sirius

“I don't know ... it was stupid it was ..”

"What did you expect to happen when Severus arrived at the shrieking shack?" Now his eyes were watery and his face was red and filled with anger

“I thought ... a couple of shakes would keep him away from us or...”

“Or that I could kill him and we would get rid of him for good?” he yelled at him with a broken voice

“No!”

“Leave!” he said now crying

“Remus don’t…” James tried to calm him down

“GET OUT! YOU THREE! LEAVE ME ALONE”

Madame Pomfrey was coming over to see what all the fuss was about so they had no choice but to leave the infirmary. Sirius couldn't get Remus's expression out of his mind. He had broken his heart and he knew it.

For the next three days Remus slept in the infirmary, he also missed class so James and Peter brought him their notes and homework. When he finally returned to the bedroom, he was not speaking to Sirius, despite all his pleas. At night each one closed the curtains of their bed and raised a silencing spell, they did not want the other to hear their cries. Every day Sirius left him a letter on his bed telling him how stupid he had been and how sorry he was. He didn't know if Remus read them or not, in the morning they always appeared broken on the foot of the bed.

Two weeks passed before Remus finally told him one night to accompany him to the astronomy tower, with the excuse that he wanted to speak in a quieter place than the common room. Neither said anything on the way, at that point Sirius was already afraid to say anything. Upon arrival Remus sat on the ground and Sirius sat next to him

“Remus I want you to know that I'm really sorry”

"Please let me talk first" he said quietly, Sirius simply nodded and was silent. "You hurt me Sirius, so much. You saw the opportunity to hurt Severus and you took it, you wanted to use me, at that moment you only saw me as _the monster that could beat up Snape_. I could have killed him and even if I didn’t, he would run to tell everyone. Dumbledore would have no choice but to get me expelled from school. I know you didn't think what you were doing, but that just means that in your subconscious you do see me as a monster… I know you guys taught me not to care what other people think of me, but doesn’t matter how much I try, I do care, at least what you think.

Sirius just shook his head, the tears keep falling and his hands were shaking “Remus, I would never believe you could kill him, I swear! And I thought he would be too scared to speak. Clearly I was wrong, but please Remus I don't see you as a monster. I never thought you could kill him! Remus please forgive me” he sobbed “I will do whatever you want. Please forgive me”

“It’s not necessary. I have seen you this week, and I did read each one of your letters. I know you're sorry Sirius” a smile spread widely through Sirius's tears, although it didn't last long “Eventually I'll be ready to forgive you… I think… just not yet. And I have decided that we can no longer stay together.”

“You mean… you want a time out”

“No, I mean like forever”

Sirius could swear his heart stopped, he felt like his soul had just been ripped out, he could swear the cruciatus curse felt just like that. "What? No Remus please” he said barely with a soft voice

“You may not see Moony as a mortal threat, but deep down that's what I am, a monster, even if you don't want to say it out loud. Maybe this happened to make us realize that we shouldn't be together.”

"Remus please don't do this," he begged as the tears kept rolling down his cheeks

"It's for the best," he said, getting up, several tears also slipping on his face, but the firmness of his voice conveyed that he was sure of his decision.

“Please”

“Bye Sirius”

Seeing him like that broke his heart, but he was convinced that he and Sirius had to go their separate ways. After all he always thought that Sirius deserved a much better boyfriend than him, and today he was giving him the chance to find him.

James was always the first to wake up, he was alarmed when he didn’t see Sirius in his bed or in Remus', who apparently had arrived so tired that he had not even closed the curtains on his bed. Remus's face was red and his eyes were puffy, James knew he had been crying all night so he preferred to wait for him to wake up to ask him if he knew where Sirius was.

He went down to check the common room, some of the early risers began to come downstairs to start their day, but their best friend was not there either. Remus appeared 20 minutes later , trying to avoid eye contact with the other students.

“Remus! Good morning how…” he couldn't finish the sentence because when Remus looked up James was scared, up close his friend reflects much more how bad he was “Remus?”

“We broke up last night” he said as if it hurt him to say every word. James knew this couldn't be good, he hugged Remus tightly trying to give some comfort

"I'm so sorry," he said rubbing his hands on his shoulders. “how are you?”

“I don’t know… but I guess Sirius must be worst”

"I'm sorry to ask you this, but do you know where he might be? He wasn't in his bed when I woke up ... I don't think he came back yesterday”

Remus looked up worried “The last time I saw him he was in the astronomy tower...”

The horror and pain were reflected in James's expression, he gave Remus another hug before heading out to find Sirius. The two of them were his friends and he wanted to be there for both. Once out of the common room he ran. He knew that Sirius would not be well, it had not even been 4 months since he was kicked out of his house and now this. Things were not looking good for his best friend.

He reached the tower almost out of breath, but there was who he was looking for. He looked so much worse than Remus. Sirius's dark circles were much darker and his eyes were red. James was scared when he touched his arm and felt his best friend stone cold, for a moment he though as if his best friend was petrified, until Black little by little looked up.

"I lost him James," he said in a hurt voice that didn't sound like his at all. James didn't say anything, he just settled in to hug him while Sirius slowly seemed to come out of a trance.

“It's all my fault. I lost him!” He repeated now between sobs, the tears appeared back to his tired eyes. James didn't know what to say, but he knew he couldn't let him go, because Sirius clung to him like he was the only thing keeping him alive.

He doesn't know how long they stayed like that, but when they returned to the common room, all the students were already in class. On the way they met Professor McGonagall who was about to scold them until they turned to face her and saw Black's face. Although the Marauders were trouble magnets, they were secretly the professor's favorite students, and seeing Sirius in such a state caused her genuine concern.

"Are you okey? Do you need to go to the infirmary, Mr. Black?"

“I think he just needs to rest professor. I'll take him to the dormitory and go to class right away” said James who was holding Sirius because the other could barely walk

"Stay with him as long as he needs Potter, I'll tell Professor Binns that you are both sick," she said with a maternal look.

"Thank you professor" he replied and they both continued their way to the dormitory.

That day it seemed that Sirius stopped feeling alive. He barely existed.


	8. First reconciliation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part 2 of "First break up"  
> Angst and fluff

Remus wasn't having a good time, but he handled the breakup better than Sirius. He knew that James and Peter were trying to be there for him too, but he preferred not to disturb them and let them help his ex-boyfriend, he needed them more.

Focusing on his duties as a prefect, he started spending more time with Lily. In that time, he fully understood why James had fallen so hard for her. Lily gave him all the support he needed even though she did not understand why the two of them had broken up, nor did she pressure Remus to tell her. She simply accompanied him, being a salvation for him.

Barely a week had passed when the full moon came back, Remus had insisted that he didn’t want Padfoot with him at night, he was afraid that Moony might get mad if he saw him and attack the three. Peter and James had agreed with Sirius that they could take care of Moony on their own, however, Padfoot arrived when Moony had already transformed. While the three of them knew that Moony and Remus minds were different, they theorized that the emotions of the two were connected. If Remus was happy one full moon day, Moony would be playful that night, when the exams were approaching and Remus was stressed, Moony spent the whole night walking in circles, this time Moony's howls when he saw Padfoot were the strangest sounds that James and Peter had never listened. He wasn't angry at all, he actually sounded like he was hurt, but happy at the same time.

Moony spent the whole night caressing himself with Padfoot, licking him, lying next to him, they had never seen the wolf behave like this. Of course Sirius left again before Remus transformed back. He didn't stop crying the whole way back to the castle. He knew that Moony missed him. He missed them with all his heart, but he knew he deserved what was happening for having behaved like an idiot. That night would be the last one where he would accompany them on the full moon. He only went there in case Prongs and Wormtail needed help but they didn’t need it, so he would never see Moony again.

Over the next month Sirius's nightmares only got worse. Before, Remus's arms around him made him feel safe and helped him get back to sleep, banishing nightmares. But now they slept alone, and as much as he wanted to, he wasn't going to bother Remus with his problems. He got used to going down to the common room to smoke (maybe too many) cigarettes.

Of course he didn’t know that Remus usually came down and watched him from the stairs, trying to take care of him even from far because he knew that sometimes Sirius tended to put out his cigarettes with his forearm. If he saw that he was about to do so, Remus would move something in the living room to get Sirius's attention or scare him enough to make him drop his cigar.

He knew he wasn't even close to letting him go. After seeing how Moony had behaved with Padfoot that night he knew he couldn't stay mad at Sirius. When he finally forgave him things got worse. All the anger was simply replaced with pain, as he began to realize many things. Every day he was more certain that he would never love any other person as much as he loved Sirius. He knew that he was still a monster, a threat and this was his opportunity to give Sirius the possibility of finding someone to have a normal life with.

The days went by and James, Peter, and Lily had practically become their babysitters. Lily kept an eye on Remus in the library. He had to be forced to go to bed even though he always fell asleep when he tried to study. She would lend him all her notes (and Remus was the only person she ever gave them to) because she knew that no matter how hard he tried, he was no longer able to concentrate in class. Sirius had to practically be dragged into the great hall and be forced to eat because more than once he had passed out on their way to class.

One night, Lily and Remus were returning from their rounds as prefects when, upon entering the common room, they felt a strong smell of cigarettes. Lily got very angry and decided she had to go report it until a cracking-voiced Remus told her not to. She turned around and saw Remus with teary eyes, so she decided to stay with him.

“It's Sirius. He has done it several times already, he doesn't smoke that much but... he puts out the cigars with his skin. It's a way he has to punish himself” Lily put a hand to her mouth when she heard those words, she knew that Sirius was in a bad place, but listen that he was hurting himself was something very worrying. "Please don't tell anyone" Remus added with a few tears.

"I won't" she said hugging Remus, "but Sirius needs help... you both need it" she said, pulling away from Remus and looking into his eyes.

"I didn't want this" he said between sobs, "I just wanted to give him the opportunity to find someone better, someone who wasn't a monster!"

“Remus...” Lily looked confused and incredulous, maybe it was all the kindness she had had with him in recent weeks, but something in her let Remus know that he could trust her with his secret “You're not a monster”

“Of course I am… Lily I am a werewolf, I was bitten when I was 6 years old. The boys know... they've helped me since they found it out.” He looked up expecting to see Lily horrified but she was totally calm, smiling understanding

“You are not a monster, once a month you become something different, but that does not define who you are. I'm sitting here next to you and all I see is a great student, my fellow prefect, the only marauder that I can bear and… I see a good friend who is suffering”

“Because you haven't seen me under the full moon, I could kill you without hesitation”

“Well, we have been at Hogwarts for 5 years and I have not heard of any murders, neither in school nor in Hogsmeade so excuse me if I do not take what you say very seriously” she replied smiling

“That's because I always stay away from everyone, I don't let any human get near because if I did find one...” he paused remembering how close Severus came to finding him

“You are much more than a werewolf Remus”

“Thank you” he said not very convinced “Please don't tell anyone”

“Of course not, don't worry”

"It's late now, we'd better go to bed," he said, standing up and heading for the stairs. Meanwhile, Sirius hurriedly ran to his bed so that Remus wouldn't realize that he had been hiding behind the stairs the entire time.

By the next full moon Sirius already looked like a completely different person, he was quite skinny from having stopped eating, his hair had never been so messy and the dark circles on his face were quite marked. He did everything reluctantly and no longer had the energy to even fight Snape, who smiled way too much every time he saw any of them. Perhaps for that alone he had kept his word to Dumbledore, seeing the precious little boyfriends completely shattered and the annoying group of friends calmer than ever was the best thing that had ever happened to Snivellus.

He couldn't get the conversation between Remus and Lily that night out of his head, so he was determined to prove Remus wrong once and for all. At night he swore to James and Peter that Padfoot wouldn't join them in the shrieking shack to respect what Remus had asked. However, when those two were about to leave the bedroom to go to meet Moony, Sirius cast a Stunning Charm on them, took James's Invisibility Cloak, and left the castle.

When they woke it was almost two in the morning, they grabbed the map and hurried out of the castle. They didn't even bother to use the tunnel, once outside James transformed, carrying Wormtail on top of him and running as fast as he could. They both knew that Sirius was quite capable of some stupidity and feared that they may be too late.

Upon reaching the shack they found something they thought impossible. Sirius had kept his promise, "Padfoot" was not there. Sirius was sitting on the ground with Moony's head on his lap. The wolf seemed to be sleeping while Sirius was still gently stroking his head. Everything they knew about werewolves, everything they had read indicated that this was impossible and yet it was happening right in front of them.

“Sorry about the spell, but I knew you would never let me do this”

Prongs only shook his head as Wormtail continued to tremble, fearing that at any moment everything would go wrong.

“If you stay, he will use it as an excuse tomorrow. He has not attacked me and he won’t do it. Go away, you can come back in the morning when he's back.”

Prongs looked at him deciding if they should leave or not.

“I have made many mistakes in my life but this is not one of them. Please guys, trust me”

They had seldom seen Moony sleep, but they knew he must have been too calm to get to that point so they agreed to Sirius' request and returned to the castle. Shortly after Sirius fell asleep too, although the position was not very comfortable, that night he slept better than all the rest of the nights of the month combined.

At dawn he was awakened by the howls of Moony, who was transforming back into Remus. Little by little Remus opened his eyes, his body still ached from the transformation, but for some reason he didn't feel as tired as he usually did. He got up seeing that Sirius was with him. That view confused him so he tried to remember what had happened the night before

“Not a single scratch” he told him when he saw that Remus didn’t stop examining him “I came here alone, and I stood here all night, like me, not like Padfoot”

Remus opened his mouth in disbelief, since he woke up he knew that he felt different from the other full moons, much calmer, as if he had woken up from a common nap and not from a sleepless night as a wolf.

“You didn't try to attack me, nor hurt yourself. Examine me all you want, examine yourself, we're fine. You are not a monster Remus and you never will be”

Tears were beginning to appear in Remus eyes

“Yes, I tried to use you, but as a bully who wouldn't be afraid to hit Snape and who wouldn't be given consequences for doing so because it wouldn't be his fault. I clearly didn't think well of that moment, but I NEVER thought of you as a monster Remus. Not for a single second. Please stop seeing yourself as something you are not.”

"I'm sorry" was all he managed to say before throwing himself at Sirius, hugging him and crying on his chest. Sirius felt as if he had a heart again, as if after almost two months he could feel something again.

"Promise me that you will never call yourself that again. Never in your life. Whether I am in it or not.”

"I will if you never hurt yourself again," he said pointing to his arm, "especially with cigars."

“Deal?”

Remus nodded, leaned in, and gave Sirius a kiss. It was short. They both smiled in the kiss while feeling some tears on their cheeks. At that moment, the will to live finally returned to them.

“I know I hurt you too much... but if you ever want to come back with me I...”

"Of course I want to go back to you silly" Sirius interrupted to give him another kiss "I don't know if you noticed but I'm not very interested in a life without you" he added, making Remus smile, something that hadn't happened for a month and a half.

“I love you Sirius”

“And I love you Remus”


	9. Firs time noticing Moony’s “appetite”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut and more smut

That morning Remus had woken up alone, Sirius and James had gotten up early to go to Quidditch practice. He still had half an hour left before he had to get up, so he tried to go back to sleep. But every time he closed his eyes the image of Sirius appeared in the stadium dressing room. Surrounded by steam, carefully lathering his abdomen. Oh what wouldn’t he give to be in those showers right now. Since neither his mind nor his crotch seemed to want to calm down, he decided to take matters into his own hands.

Even though he had a good orgasm that morning, he couldn't shake the feeling that he needed more. He was horny even when he had just come, which was unusual. Anyway, it was nothing he couldn't tolerate, so he decided to start his daily routine without giving it too much importance.

He and Peter were finishing their breakfast when James and Sirius finally appeared in great hall.

"Hi guys," James said as they sat on either side of the table, James next to Peter and Sirius next to Remus.

"Good morning," Remus said putting his hands around Sirius's face to plant a rather passionate kiss.

“Good morning indeed” responded a smiling Sirius

"Hey! where's my good morning kis," said James making the others laugh. Remus winked and blew him a kiss from across the table. He turned to kiss Sirius again, but he was already devouring some toast.

“Sorry Moony. I love having your tongue down my throat, but right now I'm starving”.

In class he couldn't take his eyes off Sirius. He has always known that his boyfriend is very good looking, but the way he hypnotized him today was not normal. He could barely hear the teacher's voice, in his head the only thing he could process was the desire he had to take Sirius by the shirt, drag him to the nearest bathroom and make him his there.

It was odd, he didn’t remember feeling that hungry before. What was different about today? Was Sirius wearing any new cologne? After all these days his nose became much more sensitive. Although that shouldn't make sense because when he woke up he was alone...

Time could not pass soon enough. During lunch he preferred to sit in front of Sirius to avoid any temptation, he knew he had to resist the urge to bend him over the table and he was not sure if he would succeed if Sirius came to put his hands anywhere near his thighs.

Luckily, they spent lunch talking about the prank they played on Filch a few nights ago and about next week's Quidditch match.

“My back is still killing me from practice today” Sirius said stretching a little

“Do you want me to do the trick?” After several years in the team James had developed very good techniques to relieve tension in the muscles.

"Yes please" James stood up and pressed his elbows into Sirius's back. There was a slight _crack_ and Sirius moaned in relief "Thank you Prongs, you are the bes..." He could not finish the sentence because at that moment Remus ran out of the great hall.

“Rude” said James

“what was that about” asked Peter

“I think I know… go ahead, I catch up with you in the potions class”

He checked in the bathroom that was near the dining room, but Remus wasn't there. He supposed it should be the one near the potions room. Bingo. He walked in just as Remus was coming out of the cubicle.

“Hello” Sirius said with a mischievous look

“I'm sorry I ran cause... I got nauseous, you know… full moon and stuff”

"Sure," he replied, smiling even more. Remus knew he hadn't believed him at all so he let out a sigh “I saw how you were watching me in class. You could have invited me, I would have sucked you so...”

“NO! Sirius stop!” Remus interrupted leaning forward “Sorry, it's just that it's the second time I've jerked out today and it's still taking all my self-control not to rip your clothes off and fuck you right here” Sirius smiled and leaned closer to him “NO! Sirius no. today's class is important ... plus I don't think one time is enough”

“Oh…”

“Please behave. I think it has to do with the full moon and I don't want Moony to take control of me in the middle of a potions class”

“Fine” he said rolling his eyes “we will explore your sex-superpowers later”

During class Remus tried to concentrate, he really did. His cauldron had never looked so bad, he had added various ingredients in the wrong order, and was almost certain that he had skipped at least three steps. Probably snivellus “Mr. Perfect Potions" had made fun of him, but even if he did, Remus didn't notice.

Sirius just watched him, hoping he didn't set the classroom on fire. He wondered why until now had started this facet of Moony... Well, Remus always changed when the full moon approached, he got sick easier even though his body became stronger, his smell and hearing became much more acute, but this horniness was definitely something new. Of course, the first time of the two had been a couple of months ago, maybe before that the desire was not so strong in Remus and now that he knew how good it felt, he was looking for more. Of course, that was just a theory.

The deep reflection on his boyfriend's wolfish nature was interrupted by Alice's screams. Remus's cauldron was overflowing, and it looked like lava was slipping across the table. Luckily, the professor managed to get rid of the rare substance in time. Sirius just kept laughing, he had never seen Remus so distracted.

"Remus is being very strange today," James said adding the last ingredients to his cauldron.

“Yeah... that reminds me, you two better not come to the room for a couple of hours” James looked at him surprised, with a raised eyebrow “unless, of course, someone is interested in having a threesome because...”

“Okay, okay, we got it” Peter interrupted.

"Kicked out of our own bedroom by a couple of horny dogs, oh how things have changed in Gryffindor Tower" James said putting a hand on his forehead to sound more dramatic. The three of them laughed.

When the double potions class finally finished Remus headed straight for Sirius. He took his hand tightly and they hurried to the bedroom. As soon as they entered Remus took his wand, closed the door and put a silencing charm in the room. He wasn’t planning on being soft on Sirius but he didn't want the whole school to know it either.

He started kissing him as he took several steps forward, slamming his boyfriend against the wall. Each time the kiss became fiercer. He bit Sirius's lower lip as he moved his hips pressing their crotches. He went down to his neck and collarbones, leaving marks that would take several days to disappear.

“God Moons you’re so horny aren’t you?” said Sirius feeling Remus's lips travel his neck

"No" he said, separating from him and looking into his eyes, "I'm way beyond that. I want to fuck you" he said, placing one of his hands tightly on Sirius's crotch. "I want to fuck you until you can't see straight” he started moving his hand up and down, making Black moan. "I want you to scream my name as loud as you can" He squeezed his hand tightly, now getting a gasp from his boyfriend.

“Shit Remus”

Remus took Sirius by the hip and turned him around, leaving him with his chest pressed against the wall. He knelt down, picked up his wand and with one movement, their clothes disappeared.

"Put your hands behind your back" Sirius obeyed. "Don’t. Move. Them”

He began to kiss and bite one of Black's cheeks. It would probably leave some marks, although it did not last long before he parted his cheeks and ran his tongue over every inch of his entrance. He thrust his tongue out as he squeezed his ass with one hand.

“God Re…” Lupin moved his tongue very agilely. Sirius couldn't stop moaning. When had he gotten so good at this? The pressure on his member was too much, he felt like he was going to come but he knew that Remus was just getting started.

“Re... slow down” he said between moans “I'm going to come”

“Good”

He placed his tongue back at his entrance and reached out to place one of his hands on his boyfriend's member. Moving his hand and tongue at the same pace.

“Goddammit Moony aaah”

Remus responded by speeding up his movements, pressing his free hand against Sirius's ass.

"I'm very close." Shortly after, the spasm reached his abdomen and he came into his boyfriend's hand. Remus stood up, and grabbed Sirius by the waist, turning him around. Without breaking eye contact with him, he licked and wiped his hand. Sirius was still catching his breath, and he bit his lower lip as he watched Moony swallow his cum.

"On your knees," he demanded. Sirius knelt in front of him. Remus was still rock hard, his erection probably wasn't that easy to get off now that the full moon had something to do with it.

He opened his mouth and began to run his tongue through the vein of Remus's member. When it came to oral sex Sirius was always in charge. He loved to tease Remus in the middle of class, in the common room, wherever he could, then go lock themselves in the first place they found and kneel in front of him. No shame, no mercy, and no silencing spells because he loved to torture Remus like that. He loved to drive him crazy whenever he could. But not today. Before he knew it, Remus's hands were holding him tightly pulling his hair, guiding it through its length.

Sirius had no problem with letting Moony take over, actually, it turned him on very much. Remus was thrusting into his mouth. He knew he had to control his breathing if he didn't want to end up making a mess.

“You are so good Sirius” he said entering his throat and staying there for a couple of seconds, coming out just so that Sirius could take a breath “I love to fuck your mouth” he repeated the movement he had just made, this time staying inside a couple of seconds more making Sirius gag “you look so gorgeous with flushed cheeks and watery eyes” he resumed the previous rhythm, giving several quick thrusts against him. Sirius moaned even though some tears were coming out of his eyes, he could feel himself getting hard again.

Remus took him by the chin, motioning for him to get up. He kissed him while lifting one of his legs, pressing his member into Sirius's entrance. He stretched out one of his arms, reaching for the shelf next to him. He took the lubricant and spread a good amount on his member.

"Remus," he moaned clutching his hands to his boyfriend's back. Remus was penetrating him slowly but firmly. He didn't even wait for Sirius to adjust to him, he kept moving slowly in and out of him.

"My God Remus," he said between moans and gasps. Remus had taken him by both legs and was now lifting him up, holding him against the wall. He increased the speed and strength of his thrusts, reaching even deeper inside him.

"You feel so good," he said, biting Sirius's earlobe. It didn't take him long to find his boyfriend's prostate. Sirius's moans were now practically screams. He wouldn't last long if Moony kept hitting that spot repeatedly.

“I'm close... so close! god Moony” He pressed his hands tightly against his boyfriend's shoulders. Remus added even more force to his thrusts and Sirius came a second time, calling out his boyfriend's name. However, Remus did not stop his movements, he kept thrusting hard as Black caught his breath.

“Re it’s…” Lupin began to slow down his movements “it's too much” he said, still heavy breathing “It's too much, wait”

“Do you want me to get out?” he said finally stopping the thrusts.

"No, it's okay, just… wait." Remus gave him several short kisses on the cheek and neck as Black recovered. Sirius let out a little laugh. " How the fuck are you still hard?”

Remus smiled "I told you one time wouldn’t be enough" Without getting out of him, he carried them both to his bed, placing Sirius on his back and leaving them in the missionary position. He began to give him small kisses again, moving his hips slowly. Sirius let out small moans as he moved his hands down his boyfriend's back.

Lupin's face roamed Sirius's neck, inhaling his scent before desperately kissing him. Moony’s wild side adored Sirius's scent, and his thrusts were back into good rhythm.

“Remus you're gonna be the death of me” he said before kissing him

“Don't worry, that's not my kink” he replied, causing a little both to chuckle

“No, you're a rough guy. Moony likes to take over, doesn’t he?” he said before licking Remus's jawline

“Behave Sirius. It’s already very hard for me to control myself” he said coming out of him

“Then don't” he said rolling and kneeling on the bed “I bet Moony is going to like it more 'doggy style'” he added laughing but winking.

If he weren't so horny he would make fun of his bad joke, but he put it off for later. He knelt behind him and entered him again. He grabbed his hair in one hand and pulled on it, forcing Sirius to lift his head, letting out some groans.

Remus was still ramming him hard, but now he was holding Black's head against the mattress. Sirius didn't know when he'd gotten hard again and frankly didn't know if he could come a third time, but he enjoyed hearing Moony groan and moan against him.

Remus took him by the shoulders, lifting him up again. This time he leaned in as well, leaning on the bed with one hand and holding his boyfriend with the other. Sirius felt Remus's heavy breathing on his neck. His thrusts were now much stronger, and he knew that Remus was now close to climaxing.

Moony's moans were now deeper, more… animalistic, and hearing them so close to his ear as Remus repeatedly hit his G-spot didn't help. The thrusts were getting stronger, until finally Remus came off with a howl. Sirius didn't know why, but the sound Remus made turned him on very _very_ much. Thanks to that howl, and against his own forecast, he came for the third time.

They both collapsed on the bed, Remus finally felt calm after his orgasm.

“I think I'm going to pass out” Sirius said smiling and closing his eyes

"I love you," Remus replied, turning to give him several kisses on the forehead and cheeks.

" _And I youMoons_ " he murmured more asleep than awake. Remus chuckled at the situation, got up to pick up his wand and cleanse them both with a spell. He realized what time it was, so he got dressed, covered Sirius with their blanket and went downstairs to dinner.

Peter and James smirked at him since they saw him enter the dining room, Remus knew what to expect.

“Hi Remus, how was your afternoon?” James said mockingly as Remus sat across from them.

“Where's Sirius?” Peter asked with the same tone

"Oh don't tell me you fucked him till the unconsciousness" James added laughing.

"Oh come on, shut up! both of you" he replied, helping himself some dinner, avoiding mentioning that, indeed, James was right.


	10. First time babysitting Harry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a short one. Just fluff :3

Harry was 6 months old. They practically had to force James and Lily to go on a decent date. They arrived for Harry at 4 PM and solemnly swear that they wouldn’t return him unless they relaxed and enjoyed their night off.

Harry was a pretty giggly baby, which was very encouraging for Padfoot to be the funniest and most playful godfather ever. As soon as they got to the apartment Sirius locked himself with Harry in his room, telling Remus that he had a surprise.

“Let me introduce you to the most Punk rock baby you will ever meet” Sirius said finally opening the door. Remus turned around to find his boyfriend carrying Harry, dressed in leather jackets and sunglasses. He couldn't help but smile, his heart was melting.

“Where did you get a leather jacket for babies?”

"You'd be surprised what you can find in muggle stores" he replied proudly.

“Those are…? Did you shrink my glasses?”

"Actually these are yours." He pointed to the glasses he was wearing. "I shrugged mine." But you can't deny that we look fabulous

“Indeed, I can't deny that” he said looking for the camera “Now make your best punk rock face”

“Oh take all the photos you can Moons, we have a lot of costume changes to do. Today is photoshoot day”

“So when you said you had plans with your godson, you meant that you were going to spend the afternoon cosplaying with Harry”

"Of course not! _We_ are going to spend the afternoon cosplaying with Harry. I already got everything we are going to wear.”

Remus laughed, he knew there was no way he could say no to Sirius when he had that glint in his eyes. So they dressed like players of James's favorite Quidditch team, like disco dancers (yes, wig and all), like detectives from that muggle movie Remus had shown him, like cowboys and their favorite, Harry in a dalmatian suit (of course Sirius came out as Padfoot in that photo). They were sure they were going to frame that photo and hang it on the living room.

They spent the afternoon laughing and taking many pictures, taking care of a baby did not seem to be as complicated as they imagined. At least that's what they thought until they had to change their godson. Changing Harry's diaper the first time was an odyssey. Lily had explained to them a couple of times how to do it, but they were sure that Harry was much more still when she did it. 40 minutes and a half box of wet wipes later they were finally able to finish changing their godson.

Remus began to prepare dinner while Sirius stayed feeding Harry. He could hear them from the kitchen, they were the cutest thing ever. Sirius had a fluid conversation with Harry, who could barely articulate a couple of vowels. Of course, Lupin died of tenderness every time he came to spy on them.

At night Harry hardly woke up twice, luckily, because James had told them that the first few months, he used to wake up at least 6 times every night. The first thing Remus saw when he woke up that morning were the faces of Harry and Sirius, both fast asleep.

Harry woke up before Sirius, so Remus picked him up and they went out onto the backyard. He showed him several of the flowers in the garden, telling him the names and letting his nephew touch some of the plants. Harry was smiling at him with an innocence that warmed his heart. Shortly after, a black dog appeared at the entrance to the courtyard and Harry started laughing, Padfoot was his adoration.

They had a good time playing games before going back inside to have breakfast. Padfoot loved being with Harry, Remus knew that Sirius had always had a soft spot for children, even if he didn't admit it. For his part, he had never wanted children, he hadn’t the slightest intention of passing his lycanthrope status to some innocent little creature. Despite that, waking up with the two of them had ignited a spark inside him. "Maybe" he thought "maybe it's not such a bad idea... maybe one day we will have the opportunity to start a family."


	11. First night apart: Sirius

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius' first night on Azkaban.  
> Angst.

As soon as he stepped foot in Azkaban he felt the effect of the prison and the dementors. As he was taken to his cell, he felt every part of himself go off. He hadn't committed the crime for which he was convicted, but he couldn't help feeling guilty. For doubting Remus like that, for being so foolish to trust Peter, for endangering little Harry, but above all, for his best friends being dead because of him.

How could he be so stupid? Looking back it all made sense. All the information Remus never wanted to give Sirius? he was simply on missions to win the support of the werewolves. All the times he told Remus what they were doing, it never occurred to him that there might be a vile rat hearing everything, hidden under the windows or even inside his house, under some furniture. All the "evidence" incriminating Remus could perfectly be adjusted to see that it was Peter all along.

It was probably the effect of the dementors, but he was being forced to relive over and over the fights he had with Remus during the previous months.

_“It's funny how it's not even a full moon and you still disappear”_

_“We are in the middle of a war! It's not like we can happily sit and wait for an invitation, I've already told you where I have to go”_

Every time it wasn't fair to him.

_“Remus please WHY DON'T YOU TRUST ME!”_

_“Pads please, I would trust you with my life, if I don't tell you what I've been doing it's for your own safety. I love you Sirius, I just need you to trust me.”_

_“No you don’t! you would tell me if you loved me”_

The first time he saw as a possibility that the love of his life was the one who had betrayed his best friend.

_“It was an ambush! they knew we would be there. We barely managed to run away! and Emmeline was hurt” Dorcas came saying almost out of breath._

_While helping Emmeline, Sirius couldn't help but think that just the night before he had talked about it with Remus. The next morning, he had left the house long before Sirius woke up, without leaving a note, without saying where he was going. He could not continue denying it anymore, the "coincidences" were too many._

He relived every night he lied awake, watching Remus sleep, trying to hate him or at least stop loving him... but he never succeeded. Not even the day he accepted that Remus was the traitor.

_“They got the Longbottoms!” Moody came saying “We must act now, tomorrow morning you should go to the safe place he said addressing the Potters_

_"I need to talk to you" At that moment Sirius took Peter by the arm and led him to the next room "I need to ask you the greatest favor in life. You can't tell anyone this, understood?”_

_Peter nodded without saying anything_

_“I need you to be the secret keeper of James and Lily and that only the 4 of us know about this because ... because Remus is the spy” he said feeling how those last words pierced his chest like knives_

_“Remus? Are you sure? He could never...”_

_“I'm the last one who wants to believe it, Wormtail, but yes, I'm sure. That's why we can't tell anyone about this... not even James. We will tell them that we will make the switch because making me their guardian was too obvious. Also, that way they will go after me and even if they try, they won't be able to get the information out of my head, the Potters will be safe. Please Peter”_

_“Okay... I'll be the secret keeper”_

_Without knowing it, he had just passed the death sentence on his best friends. By the time he got to the safe house it was already destroyed, Hagrid was outside with a small bundle in his arms who luckily had turned out to be Harry, safe and sound... almost._

_“What happened? Hagrid Where are James and Lily?”_

_Hagrid shook his head, unable to say anything. Sirius tried to enter the house, but with one hand Hagid stopped him_

_"There's nothing we can do for them… but he's fine," he said, uncovering Harry's face from the blankets. Sirius immediately picked it up and started crying with Harry in his arms._

_“I will let you say goodbye, Dumbledore has ordered me to take him to his aunt and her family”_

_"The Muggles who hated Lily? They are not going to take care of Harry. They will leave him in the first orphanage they find!”_

_“They're orders, I'm sorry Sirius. Dumbledore said that...”_

_"Dumbledore is not his father! He has no right to decide anything!” he screamed through tears scaring Harry_

_“Sirius!”_

_"Please" he was saying now in a calmer tone. "Give me Harry, Hagrid. I am his godfather. I will take care of him I promise”_

_“Pafoo” Harry said seeing his godfather. Sirius held him tightly._

_“Sorry. Maybe later you can go and take care of him... I don't know... but for now we must trust Dumbledore and you know it”_

_“I'm so sorry Harry. Someday I will come for you, I promise." He said goodbye to Harry giving him a kiss on the part of his forehead that wasn’t hurt “Take my motorcycle Hagrid, it's safer for Harry. And I don't need it anymore.”_

_As Hagrid and Harry walked away, Sirius realized what was happening. All that time it had been Peter. That damn rat! He went out looking for it as soon as he realized it. He found it the next day in the middle of a muggle street, but it mattered little to him because as soon as he saw him, he took out his wand_

_“YOU DAMN BASTARD! YOU ARE A TRAITOR AND A MURDERER”_

_“Sirius. Sirius wait! It wasn't me, Remus found me and...”_

_“DON'T GIVE ME OUT WITH THAT SHIT NOW! I know you've been incriminating him for months. WHY?” he said pressing his wand against Pettigrew's neck_

_Peter knew there was no way to keep cheating on him, but it didn't matter anymore “it was the only way to keep you distracted.” He said scared, slowly pulling his wand out of his pocket without Sirius noticing. "You would give your life for James without hesitation, but would you give Remus'? Forcing you to choose between James or Remus was the only way to keep you distracted enough that you wouldn't notice what I was doing.”_

_“YOU PIECE OF SH…”_

Sirius couldn't even finish speaking because in a matter of seconds Peter had cut off his ring finger, created an explosion across the street and transformed into a rat to flee down one of London's sewers.

The aurors had arrived just as Sirius woke up, everything was in chaos and before he understood what had just happened, he was already on his way to Azkaban. Without being able to explain himself, without audiences and what hurt him the most, without being able to tell Remus what had really happened.

From his cell a few rays of the crescent moon could be seen, reminding him how he had now left Remus on his own. And him? What was the point of thinking about himself, if his boyfriend believed him guilty of killing someone who had not died, if everyone believed him a traitor when he had only tried to save his friends and if he was now a murderer, because James and Lily would be alive if he hadn't been such an idiot.

"I'm so sorry guys," he whispered, even though he knew no one could hear him. That’s how began his first night in Azkaban, the first of the 12 most horrible years of his life.


	12. First night apart: Remus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus found out Sirius was a traitor...  
> Angst

He couldn't deny that his boyfriend had been acting strange for a couple of months now. At first, he only attributed it to the stress of the war, but little by little he noticed how Sirius grew more and more distant from him. Perhaps he was no longer in love with him and didn’t dare to say anything because it was not a good time to deal with it.

He tried not to think about it too much, he loved Sirius, but he would never force him to stay with him if he didn’t feel the same way any longer. Besides, he already had enough trouble with his travels with the werewolves. He was getting more and more tired and more than once the pack had attacked Moony. But he didn´t share those things with his boyfriend, he preferred not to worry him.

The morning of November 1st was strange, the sky was full of owls and some fireworks. It was unusual to see that kind of neglect among wizards, and even less in times of war. As he finally returned home, he saw Dedalus in the distance, waiting for him outside the main entrance.

"We need you at the headquarters, immediately," he said, taking him by the arm and appearing them both in front of the building where the headquarters was hiding. Upon entering there was a general whispering, which stopped as soon as they saw Remus.

"Remus, please sit down" Dumbledore said calmly, "before I inform you of what happened last night, I need to ask you something. You knew Sirius better than anyone in this room. Was he the Potters' secret keeper?"

“Yes of course, James and Lily totally trusted Sirius” he said causing some whispers among the members of the order

“And to you, Sirius has been acting strange lately?”

“Well… a little bit, but I guess all of us have We are all tense from war and...”

Dedalus interrupted him with a loud clearing of his throat. Dumbledore let out a sigh

“Voldemort was destroyed last night, in the Potter house. And although many celebrate that he is dead, we should not take it as an absolute truth. We will have to keep our eyes open, many of his followers are still on the loose.”

Remus knew he was hearing the best news they could give them, Voldemort was dead, but… so why did Dumbledore's tone sound like bad news?

“Unfortunately, as several of you know, the only one who survived was Harry who was taken away with his maternal relatives...”

Dumbledore kept talking but Remus couldn’t hear him, everything was becoming fuzzy. He couldn’t process what he just heard. Lily and James were dead? They couldn't, they just couldn't. And if they had found them it meant they had gotten the information from Sirius ... but he said he would rather die than risk his friends... Was Sirius dead too? Please no... he preferred a thousand times that all this was a lie and that Voldemort was still around.

Moody rushed through the door. "We found them, you have to come now," he said, looking at Dumbledore.

“We'll continue this later. Remus need you to come with us” Dumbledore told him, but Remus was still in shock. He got up and walked merely out of inertia, his eyes were straight ahead but he didn't really seem to see anything.

Moody, Dumbledore and Remus appeared on a street in London, it was closed, destroyed and full of aurors. It looked like there had just been a strong fight. He could still see several injured Muggles. Moody was the first to speak.

“Where's Black?”

“They caught him right on the act, they already took him away'' said an auror to Moody

“And Pettigrew?”

Remus's heart was beating faster and faster, he didn't understand what was happening, but it couldn't be good

"We think we found... a part of him," she said, leading them to a place where there was a large stain, a broken wand and... a finger.

“Is it Peter's wand?” Moody asked and Remus nodded. Seeing him so scared and lost, Moody decided that he had to explain to Remus what was happening.

“We think Black was the spy we were looking for. It would explain why Voldemort found the Potters and why he knew of various movements of the order, especially the ones Sirius reported. Peter must have faced him here”

“Sirius would never do that! He was more than willing to die for the Potters!”

“All the witnesses confirmed that it was Black who attacked Peter, there was a flash, the street got up and the next second Peter was gone” explained the auror.

"But Sirius wouldn't! He would never betray them like this”

"Traitor or not he just killed 13 people" Moody told him, "including his dear friend Peter. Maybe he knew something that Black didn't want us to know.”

Remus was shaking his head sharply, he wasn't going to accept it. He didn't want to accept that his three best friends were dead because of the love of his life. It was just impossible

“He would never do...”

“He already did it”

He didn’t want to enter their house. He didn’t feel able to be in what had been the home of them. Outside, many owls continued to be seen running through the sky, the world was in a good mood, it was a party, but not for him. After standing in front of the door for almost an hour, he forced himself inside, Sirius's jacket was still on the couch, his Muggle magazines were still on the living room, and his cup of tea was still on the breakfast table. He went up to their room and from his nightstand took that little blue box he had been putting away.

_"I know what you're thinking, and I think it's an excellent idea," Lily told him when she saw that Remus had stood in front of a jewelry store_

_“What?”_

_“Come on Moony, it's about damn time” James said reaching them, carrying Harry in his arms_

_“This is not the time for marriage proposals guys, a war is coming and you know it”_

_“That’s precisely why you should do it. You may regret not having done it before” said James_

_“Okay, if we get out of this alive I will”_

_“How optimistic. You know you should go in, I bet there is...”_

_“No, definitely not. Besides, it's late and it's getting dark, we should return before Harry catches a cold or something” Remus said, interrupting Lily._

_"And that Harry, it's how Uncle Moony evades his responsibilities" James said, making all three of them laugh._

Everything was so different a few months ago, now his best friends were dead and the man to whom he was about to give his whole life, had become a murderer. He didn't want to believe it, but the more he tried to deny it, the more he became convinced. All those times Sirius talked to him about missions and they suspiciously went wrong, all the times he tried to get information out of him, the sudden disappearances and the last month when Sirius couldn't even see him in the eyes anymore.

How come he never noticed? If he had paid more attention he could have done something! Perhaps he had convinced James to make Dumbledore the secret keeper, he could have alerted the order. Or maybe he had brought Sirius back to his senses and prevented him from giving the information any further, maybe James, Lily and Peter would be alive.

"Why did it have to be you" he said closing the box. "OF ALL PEOPLE! WHY YOU SIRIUS!" He threw it to the ground. Tears began to appear on his face.

There was no way he could know, but at that moment, several miles north someone was whispering "I'm so sorry guys" as he began his sentence. Remus spent the entire night regretting something that hadn't happened, trying to hate the love of his life, and fearing that he was now completely alone. The rays of the moon came weakly through the window of the room, he turned to see it, hoping with all his heart, that on the next full moon Moony would make him a favor and kill himself.


	13. First day as Professor Lupin

He was excited, anxious, and worried. Sure, he was incredibly grateful for the opportunity to have a good job and what better place to work than his old school. There was no place where he had felt happier and more confident than Hogwarts. Still, he was a little concerned, hoping none of the students would find out what he was. He didn't want to feel like a danger to the school, although his best friends in their years as students had made clear that he was not. Also, there was now the wolfsbane potion which was a tremendous relief because he knew that even as Moony, he would be quite tame.

Remus arrived at station 9 ¾ almost 45 minutes before the train left, he didn’t want to attract much attention. He went straight to the last compartment of the train, which had been the official site of the marauders for the 7 years they had been to Hogwarts. There was something bittersweet in the air, a part of him was reliving the best years of his life while another reminded him that all his friends were now dead thanks to his traitor ex-boyfriend.

Lupin sat in his usual place letting out a sigh, he didn't want to think too much. Also, the night before had been a full moon, so he had several hours of sleep to make up. He decided to lie down and sleep, closing his eyes with his head against the window. Too bad, maybe if he hadn't closed his eyes so quickly, he would have noticed the black dog silhouette that was watching him from the other side of the station.

Too much was happening to process it well. He felt very cold so opened his eyes suddenly, but everything was dark. He heard there were students with him so he lit a handful of flames. He found James in front of him, or so he thought. He noticed the green eyes and the scar, god, it had been a long time since he last saw Harry. He knew he was going to be his teacher at Hogwarts, Dumbledore had told him that he had grown up to be a good boy and that he was already in his third year. Although he had prepared for that moment, his heart leapt when he saw his nephew, who obviously didn’t recognize him.

After the rude interruption of the demetors, the train continued its route without major complication. Harry was still a little pissed but seemed to be fine. Remus couldn't help but feel a mixture of joy and guilt when he saw him. He was happy to finally be in his life. He knew he had grown up with muggles but he never tried to search or visit him, his godfather was Sirius so Remus wouldn't even have a good excuse to get close to him. He should have done it? Memories of little Harry were clear in his mind. All the times he and Sirius took care of him, the joy he felt when Harry learned to say 'Mooy' long before he said 'pafoo' teasing that he was his favorite uncle; even the time when all five of them went crazy chasing after Harry because Sirius had the brilliant idea to give him a toy broom.

Being back inside Hogwarts was a challenge, in his heart he always carried James, Lily and Peter and being in those corridors again made him miss them more than ever. He knew that Sirius had fled Azkaban a few weeks ago, but if he hadn't looked for him earlier, he would look for him at Hogwarts, so he tried not to think about it. He had enough weight on his conscience knowing that, despite everything he did, he never got to hate him.

His thoughts were interrupted by a voice he didn't know he could miss so much. "Welcome back Professor Lupin" McGonagall told him upon seeing him.

“Professor McGonagall!” He was so happy to see her, he almost threw himself to hug her

"I think now, just Minerva is fine," he replied, noticing the expression on Remus's face, so she hugged him. "It's good to see you again, Remus.”

The first night had been surprisingly calm for him. The next day he tried to put his nerves aside to make a good first impression. Inadvertently he had been late for his first class, which was exactly with the 3rd year group Harry was in. He went to the classroom without much haste and found the students in their places with their books open. Okay, time to start “Good afternoon, Would you please put all your books back in your bags. Today’s will be a practical lesson. You will need only your wands” he said, and he knew he had started well when he saw the surprised and excited faces of some students.

By the end of the day he was feeling quite proud of himself. Both the third year and fifth year students seemed quite satisfied with their first class. He still had several groups to meet, but so far everything had gone better than he had planned. He returned to the staff room where he found McGonagall sitting with some ready-made cups of tea.

“Just in time Remus, come sit down. Tell me how was your first day as a professor”

“No biscuits?” he said just before a tray with biscuits appeared on the table. They both laughed at the memories of the many times they did this while Minerva tried to convince Remus to have a better control of his friends.

“I must admit that I have missed this very much” he said sitting in front of the professor “And I think I have done well, the students have left the room quite motivated”

"And I guess seeing Professor Snape dressed as an old lady won't have something to do with that" she said taking a sip of her tea.

"The news has spread so quickly!"

“Well, he is not exactly the most loved professor so it has been quite a topic of conversation in the corridors” she replied laughing “the good thing is that you have gained a lot of popularity with the students, I feel that you will be the favorite teacher of several students this year”

“Oh come on Minnie, nobody can beat you”

"Typical marauder flattery" McGonagall said with a laugh, "I must admit that despite everything you did, you were always my favorite students."

They both smiled in a slightly melancholic way, they didn't need to say anything, both were thinking the same thing.

“I am glad that you are well Remus”

“Thank you, Minnie. I'm not going to lie, the first years were pretty rough. I think the worst thing was the feeling of not having done anything. I never suspected Sirius even though I knew he was acting strange and if perhaps he had paid more attention...”

“None of that was your fault Remus. I don't think anyone saw it coming, it was hard for me to believe it myself.”

"Anyway" he said letting out a sigh, "I'm glad to be here, it makes me feel close to them. Especially thanks to Harry, he's the exact image of James”

“Oh and wait to see him, he inherited his father's talent for trouble” Remus laughed at the comment “When he came on his first year he seemed so tender and innocent, I thought he would be like Lily since he grow up with his aunt but... then within a couple of months I realized that he is identical to James. For the second year he came to school in a flying car with another classmate, it was a such scandal” She said smiling before eating a biscuit

“Well, if he is seriously like James then we must be prepared for the worst” Lupin joked

“Oh no, I'm going to let you deal with it by yourself” she smiled grimly “and with the Weasley twins too”

“Fifth year redheads?” McGonagall nodded “I guess I deserve it” he said letting out a sight

"You have years of experience, you'll be fine," replied the professor with a wink.

He let out a little laugh. "Thank you marauders" thought as he finished his tea.


	14. First night reunited

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First night together after 12 years
> 
> Fluff

On his last morning at Hogwarts Remus felt much more melancholic than usual, learning that all this time Sirius had been innocent had changed practically everything for him. Unfortunately, by the time he returned the next morning Sirius was gone. His only consolation was that at least he wasn't send back to Azkaban.

He was saying goodbye to Harry when Dumbledore appeared at his office door.

"Your car is at the door, Remus" he announced.

"Thank you, headmaster."

They walked together until the exit of the castle

“It may be a stupid question, but Is there any chance that he left a note, a message or something before he left?”

“I'm afraid not, the time he had to escape was very short… He did ask his address when I spoke to him though" said Dumbledore smiling. "Be very careful.”

“Of course, thank you”

"Goodbye then, Remus" he said, shaking his hand.

Remus's heart was beating so fast “Is Sirius waiting for me? he shouldn't, he should be hiding. Maybe an owl! Or maybe… could he be inside the apartment? No, he couldn't, Harry said that Sirius had escaped in Buckbeak and there is no way he could bring a hippogriff into the apartment… unless…” all kinds of thoughts and theories invaded his head.

When he finally arrived, he entered so quickly that he didn’t notice the note that had been slipped under the front door. He searched every room in the apartment, but he was alone. He returned to the front door for his luggage and that was when he finally saw it.

_West hill behind the park. Midnight_

_-Snuffles_

Lupin spend the rest of the day looking forward to the night. He packed a suitcase with some food and other things to take to Sirius. He left the apartment an hour earlier, making sure not to draw attention. Once he was among the trees of the hill he felt safer, he knew no one approached there. In the neighborhood it was rumored that there were ghosts (or monsters, depending on who you ask) although of course, he knew the truth, it was simply Moony during full moons.

He came to a small clearing and sat down to wait. It wasn't long before he heard some noises behind him.

"I know I'm supposed to be running," said the most beautiful voice Remus knew. "But I couldn't leave without saying goodbye."

“Sirius” he approached to hug him tightly “I’m so glad that you are alive”

"I missed you so much, Re," he said without leaving the hug. Remus had a lump in his throat. He'd had a very hard time trying to hate Black and lead a life without him, but Sirius had literally been in the closest hell-like place they knew.

“I’ve missed you too Pads”

The hug was long, the day before they hadn't had a chance to speak properly thanks to snivellus, the Pettigrew chase and well, the full moon. After several minutes they finally separated, both had watery eyes but decided to ignore that detail.

Sirius didn't take his gaze from Remus's eyes. He wanted to ask him something, he was dying to know, but he didn't think he could bear that the answer wasn't what he wanted. So he decided to leave his doubt for last.

“I brought you sandwiches. I figured you'd be hungry” said Remus trying to get Black out of his trance.

"Yes actually, thank you." Sirius began to eat and the smell attracted Buckbeak, who finally came out of the darkness of the forest and approached them

"I'm sorry Buckbeack I didn't bring anything for you" Remus admitted

“What?”

“Oh, that's the name of the hippogriff. It was Hagrid’s, didn't you know?”

“Well last night we didn't have much time to chat while I was escaping. I guess Harry told you what happened”

“A bit…”

“Professor R.J. Lupin” he said smiling “I bet you were an excellent teacher.” He sat on a fallen log that was next to them “You shouldn't have quit”

“How do you know I quit?” he sat on a stone in front of Sirius

“You wouldn't be here otherwise.”

“Maybe they fired me”

"Dumbledore wouldn't fire you Moony," he told him with a rather confident look. “So how was it? Being a teacher and all”

"I feel like it was a way the universe made me pay a little for everything we Marauders did." Sirius laughed, for the first time in 12 years. “In spite of that, I liked it more than I expected. I have all kinds of anecdotes. You know, a student feared snivellus so in a class with boggarts we got to see snivellus dressed in drag, like I'm sorry no one had a camera handy that day”.

He told him about Fred and George being worthy successors to the Marauders, about all the afternoons he had tea with McGonagall, how Harry had inherited Lily's sass, and how he had to keep his composure when he found him with the Marauder's Map. Sirius couldn't stop laughing. It was amazing how they could talk so calmly, as if 12 years had not passed.

Before they knew it, more than three hours had passed. Sirius knew he had a long way to go and that he had to leave before the sunlight appeared. So he decided to steel himself.

“Remus ... there's something I've wanted to ask you ummm ... I see you're not wearing a ring, but I know you may have a boyfriend or something… And I know it's none of my business if you're dating anyone but… Are you?”

“They say that dementors change you too much, I didn't try anything today because I don't know how you feel and the least I want to do is overwhelm you or make you uncomfortable. I mean it’s been 12 years." he let out a sigh "The truth is that ... I think I never stopped loving you Sirius. I tried to hate you, I really did, but now I'm glad I never made it. I guess something inside me knew what they said about you wasn't true. Well, I'm not dating anyone. I thought I hadn't had anything serious in the last 12 years but, on second thought we never broke up so… when you're ready and if you want to of course… I'll be waiting for you here."

Sirius took several steps forward, launching himself towards him. He took Remus’ face in his hands and slowly leaned towards him until he slowly brushed his lips. They kissed and both felt how life returned to them. They felt like carefree 17-year-olds again. In that moment they were not in the middle of a forest, Sirius was not running away, nor had they just spent 12 years apart, in that moment the rest of the world didn’t exist, just the two of them. And at that moment the two of them were completely happy.

They broke away from the kiss and brought their foreheads together, smiling and refusing to return to reality yet. “So… do you think you can keep a hippogriff in your apartment?” said Sirius laughing

“Sirius, Dumbledore said you had to get out of the country” Lupin said taking his hands.

“Now that I know this, I'm not going to get away from you Remus, you're not going to convince me”

“I never said you had to go on your own”

“Wait what?”

Remus grabbed the suitcase “I brought some food and clothing for both of us. I know you can't stay so I'm going with you”

Sirius smiled and gave Remus another kiss “Okay, let's go”

“Do you have any idea where to go? Remus asked as they climbed onto Buckbeak

“I think somewhere tropical would be nice”.


	15. Last Kiss

It had been several months since Sirius and Remus had moved back to 12 Grimmauld Place. Dirt, clutter, and the constant reminder of his unhappy childhood aside, it wasn't so bad. At least he had Remus with him… well, most of the time.

"I'm sick of being locked up," Sirius exclaimed, throwing himself onto the bed. Remus sat next to him.

"It was your idea to return to the country” he answered calmly

“Harry was in trouble, we had to. We weren't going to stay on the beach while he risked his life in the Triwizard tournament… but now with all that’s going on… ugh fuck that snakehead. The three of us should run away again, they would never find Harry there, and we can teach him everything he needs, fuck Hogwarts” he said making Remus laugh.

“I know none of this is fair, but we have to be patient”

“It’s not a bad plan though” he said getting another smile from Lupin.

“One of these days Peter is going to neglect, and we are going to catch him. I know it” he answered taking his hand “and then you will be completely free, we will not set foot in the house for months I promise.”

Sirius finally smiled “I hope you keep your promise because I'm going to take it very _siriously_ ”

“Obviously. And you know what the first thing we're gonna do when you're free”

“What?”

“We are going to go to that lake we went to in 79, the one with the log cabin, and we are going to get married there”

“Are you proposing to me Mr. Lupin?”

“Not officially, you deserve a better proposal than this”

“Oh I see, you want to do something elaborate, is that why you keep the rings hidden in your suitcase?” said Black, causing a short circuit to Remus's brain

“what? Wait. How do you know it? Since when?”

Sirius laughed at Remus' reaction. "Well when you went back to work I was all alone here for several days and well, there isn't much to do when you're locked up."

"That was almost a year ago!"

“I know, I was beginning to think that you would never ask me. Seriously you've been saving it for a long time now”

"You have no idea ..." he said, remembering the day he had bought them, 15 years ago.

"You know, no matter how you do it, the answer will always be yes," he said before kissing him. Remus took his face in his hands and lay down next to him on the bed. Unfortunately, their celebration was interrupted by several knocks on the door. Remus opened it and found Kingsley quite concerned.

"You two have to come down, now" he said without further explanation. Once they got to the dining room, they found Snape talking to Tonks and Moody.

"Are you sure he's not at Hogwarts?" asked Tonks

"It's Potter, he's stubborn and impulsive enough to do it. He must have found some way to escape.”

“What's going on?” Sirius asked between annoyed and worried

“Potter has had a vision of you being tortured by the dark lord, right in the ministry of magic where the professed is kept. He was stupid enough to go find you himself” Snape replied annoyed.

“It's a trap!” exclaimed Remus

“We have to go get him!” Sirius added

"No. Tonks, Kingsley, Remus and I will go get him" Moody replied. "Snape has to get back to Hogwarts before they realize he's gone, and you must stay here." He said turning to Sirius. "Someone must stay at the compound to alert Dumbledore about what is happening, now let's go."

“Stay sitting here is stupid, I'm going with you”

“You can’t Black”

“Harry is in danger, I don't expect you to think I'm going to stay here doing nothing”

“Sirius calm down. We will make sure that nothing happens to him” Tonks said in an attempt to reassure him

“It's not doing nothing, you have to tell Dumbledore. Now let's stop wasting time and go'' Kingsley added.

The rest started heading for the exit, but Sirius took Remus by the arm, giving him a determined look.

“Remus please know I have to go”

“You know you can’t go!”

“Of course I can”

“We’re going to the ministry of magic if someone sees you...”

“Does that really matter now?”

"I DON'T WANT TO LOSE YOU AGAIN SIRIUS" he said, taking him by the shoulders. Black's tone changed completely when he realized what Remus feared. He put his hands on Remus's face and gave him a quick kiss.

"You won't," he said softly. Remus resigned himself letting out a sigh.

"I'll give you a 5-minute head start" he said before leaving the house "and order Kreacher to report to Dumbledore" he added before disappearing.

The fight at the ministry of magic was very tight. Every member of the order was fighting against at least one death eater. Lucius was about to cast a spell on Remus when Sirius cast him across the room.

"It was good that I came" he said to Remus, laughing as he began to fight Bellatrix.

"Don't brag too much" Remus replied before running off to defend Harry and Neville from Malfoy's attack. “Harry, round up the others and GO!” He yelled at them. He was left fighting Lucius when a couple of seconds later he saw Dumbledore arrive. Sirius was too busy fighting to have noticed.

“Come on, you can do better!” he heard Sirius yell. By the time he turned to see him, he already had a red flash in the middle of his chest. He seemed to take an age to fall, his eyes were wide and completely surprised. A horrible cold ran through Remus's entire body, not even the dementors had made him feel that way. He felt a horrible pressure on his chest, for a moment he swore that someone had thrown a cruciatus curse on him.

He felt petrified, but even so, seeing Harry run towards the veil forced him to move. He had to protect Harry. He couldn't let him go after Sirius. It had to have been mere instinct, there was no other explanation. He grabbed him tightly by the chest but Harry struggled to get rid of him

“There’s nothing you can do, Harry...”

“We can still reach him. He's not gone!” he screamed. "HE IS NOT DEAD! SIRIUS!”

Harry's false hope made everything hurt twice as much. He wanted to believe with all his heart that Harry was right, that Sirius was simply trapped and that they could bring him back.

"He can't come back Harry." Every word felt like poison. He managed to get Harry away from there. Now he wasn't struggling so much, he seemed to finally understand that Sirius couldn't come back anymore.

In a moment Harry had escaped his grasp, running after Bellatrix. He stayed helping the rest of the kids. It seemed like it was a fight outside. Anyway, he was barely aware of what was going on around him. Moody returned with him and Tonks to headquarters while Kingsley took care of returning the kids to Hogwarts.

He was still quite pale, as soon as they arrived, he dropped himself into one of the dining room chairs. His gaze was lost and he was so still that he seemed not to breathe. Meanwhile, Moody was talking to Tonks on the other side of the room.

“Is Remus okay? What happened while I was knocked out?”

“So sorry. Bellatrix killed Sirius” at that moment Tonks turned to see Remus in horror. She walked slowly towards him and threw herself to hug him.

That finally made Remus react. His eyes slowly turned to her. They began to fill with tears. He wrapped his arms tightly around her as he sobbed. Moody decided to leave them alone and go in search of Kreacher before he fled with Narcissa.

He didn't know how long he stayed like that with Tonks, probably hours. When she left Remus locked himself in one of the rooms, he didn't want to know anything about anyone. This time he knew he wouldn't need Moony to end his life. He was no longer interested in pursuing a life where he almost had Sirius back and almost had a family. "Almost" was not enough, it never was going to be.

The room was locked, but he heard a slight 'crack' and when he turned around, he saw Kreacher had appeared next to him.

"Master Sirius gave Kreacher this box, said to only open it in case he died," he said handing the box to Remus and disappearing again. Lupin opened it, it contained only a strange locket and a couple of envelopes. Among them one had his name

_Dear Remus_

_If you are reading this, something has happened to me. We may not have been together long, but I want you to know that for me it was much more than I could ever ask for. Although you might not believe me, if I could choose and relive this same life I would, including Azkaban. I would happily spend a hundred years there if that means I will have another life with you._

_Hope it's not too much of a hassle, but I need to ask you for a couple of favors:_

_Please take care of Harry, he has already lost too much and he deserves to have good people in his life. All the assets and savings that were in my name have remained in the name of the two of you, but I know that Harry does not need money, he needs his family, he needs us._

_And the second thing I'm going to ask you: please Remus, live. I'm sorry to not be with you anymore, but please don't do anything stupid, neither you nor Moony. I will be waiting for you, I promise, but I want you to live your life, don’t come here early. I love you, I have always loved you and always will. That's why I want you to have a good life, I'll take care of you from here. Remember the ones who love us never really leave us._

_We will see each other again, love of my life. I promise._

_PS: I know about the box that you keep in your briefcase and the answer will always be yes._

Carrying on was the hardest thing he ever did in his life. But he did it for Sirius. He read the letter more than 100 times. Every time he missed him, every time he thought about giving up, every time he felt lonely, he read the letter.

Eventually he decided to write back to him, for some reason, the thought of giving Sirius those letters reassured him.

_Dear sirius_

_I know Harry used you as an excuse for his uncles to treat him well, and I know I'm not that intimidating but maybe if I bring some of the order to the station, the idiot of Harry's uncle will think twice before treating Harry bad. I hope everything goes well, I know you would have loved to come with us ..._

_Dear sirius_

_Today Harry turned 16 years old, the Weasleys organized a great party for him, I would have liked to be more presentable but these months without you have been quite difficult for me. Everyone noticed that Tonks and I look much worse than before. By the way, she is great, we have become great company for each other. She blames herself for what happened. She said that if she had done something against Bellatrix none of this would have happened, but I don't blame her at all. For a while I blamed myself for letting you go with us, but on second thought, you would have gone whatever I told you, I really miss your stubbornness ..._

_Dear sirius_

_I've started working with werewolves again. I know you would have disapproved it but, it is one of the few ways in which I can be useful in this war. I hope you are not upset. By the way, I know that you and Harry used to write to each other very often, and I'm sorry that I can't talk to him as much as you did, I hope he doesn't mind..._

_Dear sirius_

_The whole order thinks there's something between me and Tonks. No matter how hard we insist, they don't believe us when we say no. I can't deny that she is the best thing that could happen to me since you left, I think she has become my best friend, she is awesome. You two definitely would have been your family's chaos duo..._

_Dear sirius_

_You would have loved this! I think it's the first time I've written you a letter laughing. How come we never found out while in school. Oh you're going to love this. Snivellus had a nickname of his own and I think if we had known we would have laughed at least two hours. Oh Sirius, how I wish you were here to laugh with me, Snivellus called himself the half-blood prince hahaha..._

_Dear Sirius,_

_The eldest son of the Weasleys is getting married tonight, I still don't know if I’m ready go to a wedding. After all, I thought that the next wedding I would be at would be ours. I'm sorry I didn't do anything on time, I had so many opportunities and I didn't take any of them..._

He kept all the letters in the box Kreacher had given him. All except Sirius's, that one was always carried in his pocket. He carried it with him at the Battle of Hogwarts. When he was surrounded by Death Eaters and knew there was nothing else he could do, putting his hand in his pocket with that letter was his last act in life.

It was strange because after that he didn't feel any pain. He opened his eyes and he was in Hogwarts. It was not the Hogwarts that was being attacked by Voldemort and his followers, but a quiet Hogwarts, full of students walking the corridors in a sunset like any other.

"Hello Moony" said a sweet voice behind him. He turned and found Sirius, young, happy, and with open arms. He launched himself towards him, hugging him with all he had.

“I thought I would never see you again” he said with some tears on his cheeks

“I never break a promise” answered Sirius before giving him a kiss

“I missed you so much”

“We miss you too Moony”

“We?”

James and Lily had appeared beside him, holding hands. They also looked the same as when they were young. In that moment he understood everything. The 4 of them melted into a big hug while Remus cried with happiness. He knew that at last, everything was alright.


End file.
